


Best Case Scenario

by cinnabongene



Category: Better Call Saul (TV), Breaking Bad, Breaking Bad & Related Fandoms
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Multi, Polyamory, Post-Episode: s05e16 Felina
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2018-07-25 19:44:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 23,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7545573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cinnabongene/pseuds/cinnabongene
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how far he runs, the people who matter the most always seem to find their way back into Jimmy's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> "If I'm lucky, a month from now, best case scenario, I'm managing a Cinnabon in Omaha."

Kim didn’t know exactly what it was that made her notice, but when she was driving around Albuquerque one morning, she realized that she hadn’t seen Jimmy’s face in a while. It was usually plastered all over town, on billboards, and bus benches, and commercials on local late night television, and always attached to that tacky assumed name—Saul Goodman. Always smiling that smarmy grin down at her, reminding her of what she had lost all those years ago. But now, the face from her past was nowhere to be found. 

Late the following night, when she was sure no one would be around, Kim drove to Saul Goodman’s office. Her heart dropped when she saw the gaudy lady liberty balloon—which usually only filled her with secondhand embarrassment whenever she drove by—was no longer mounted to the roof. She pulled into a parking space and made her way over to the office to peer in the window. Vacant. Gone was Saul’s name from the door, replaced by a “for lease” sign. 

Anxiety twisted a knot in her stomach as she retreated back to her car. Someone would have told her if something bad had happened to him, wouldn’t they? It was true she hadn’t talked to Jimmy in years, but Chuck surely would have thought to tell her if he was dead, wouldn’t he? 

The next morning, she was at the older McGill brother’s house. She put her keys and phone in the mailbox, picked up the newspaper sitting at the curb, grounded herself, and knocked on the door. “Chuck, it’s me. It’s Kim,” she called when she saw the peephole darken. After a moment, the door opened. Clearly, she’d woken the man, but that was the least of her concerns at the moment. 

“Kim Wexler?”

She nodded. 

“Well, don’t just stand there. Come in,” said Chuck, stepping aside for her. “What are you doing here?” he asked once he had shut the door. 

Kim handed him the paper. Best to start this conversation with an olive branch. “I need to ask you about Jimmy.” She watched as Chuck’s demeanor immediately changed from confusion to annoyance. That had to be a sign he wasn’t dead, at least. “I noticed he’s not advertising anymore and his office is empty. Do you know what happened?”

Chuck sat down on his couch and opened up the newspaper. “If you don’t know, I certainly don’t. He disappeared in the night a few months ago. The same time they brought down that giant meth operation. I think it’s safe to assume Jimmy was involved.” 

Kim hated the way he said “involved,” like it was slime in his mouth. Like he would never even have the decency to give Jimmy the benefit of the doubt. Like if something terrible had happened to him, he deserved it. “And you have no idea where he is? No way to contact him?” 

“I told you, he’s gone. This was deliberate, Kim. As reckless as he was, he’s not an idiot. If he doesn’t want to be found, you’re not going to find him.” 

 

Later that night, when Kim came home from work, she opened up her bedroom closet, stood on her tip-toes, and reached up to the top shelf above the clothing. After feeling around for a moment, her hand struck what she was looking for: an old cardboard shoebox. 

She took the box back to the bed and sat down. She didn’t like to open this box, but she always liked to know she had it. Inside were a collection of memories. The first thing that stuck out to her was the flower from the top of the Zafiro Añejo bottle she and Jimmy had scammed that asshole Ken out of. Most of the rest of it was scraps of paper and a few old photographs. She sifted through it all until she found the one paper she was looking for. Folded up as small as it would go in the bottom of the box, was a list of phone numbers. It was every single number she’d ever had for Jimmy. She assumed most of them were long disconnected, but when they had decided to part ways, he’d given her a few more numbers, in case she ever needed to contact him again. She had assured him that she wouldn’t, but kept the numbers anyway. 

“I’m sorry. The number you have reached is not in service. Please—” 

Kim hung up and crossed yet another number off the list. A pang of desperation shot through her heart—there was only one number left to try. Hands shaking, she dialed. 

“Come on, Jimmy. Please pick up. Please,” she whispered to herself as the phone rang. 

She was about to give up when the ringing stopped and a broken voice sounded from the other end of the line. “Kim?”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim pays a visit to Jimmy in Omaha. His past involvement with Walter and Jesse comes to light.

He kept the phone in the back of the drawer of his bedside table. He knew he shouldn’t have it. He had promised the extractor that all of his phone numbers had been disconnected, but he’d kept one. He’d destroyed the phone it went to before he’d left Albuquerque and connected it to a new phone once he got to Omaha. Only one person had that number, so having the phone wasn’t really a risk. He knew it would never ring, but he kept it charged anyway.

He was onto his third glass of cheap vodka and was about to resign himself to crying to sleep when the unfamiliar ringtone nearly made him jump out of his skin. He scrambled off of the bed and tore open the drawer, clawing through its contents until he found the phone. His palms were sweaty, and his heart was pounding so hard he didn’t know if he’d even be able to speak. But somehow he found it in himself to answer. “Kim?”

“Jimmy? Jimmy, where are you?” 

Jimmy sunk to his knees. It was the first familiar voice he’d heard in months, and the last familiar voice had been Walter White’s. “Kim. What—why…?” 

“I didn’t see your billboards up anymore. I got worried. Where are you?”

“I had to leave Albuquerque. I got mixed up with some really bad people. I’ve done things, Kim. Things I can never take back.” 

“Is it over?” 

“Yeah,” said Jimmy after a moment. “It’s over.” 

Kim felt a strange mix of relief and determination churning in her stomach. “Jimmy, where are you?”

“Omaha.” 

“Omaha? What’s in Omaha?” 

“That’s what I said,” Jimmy let out a sad chuckle. 

“You didn’t choose to go there? Are you with someone?”

“No, I, uh, I got extracted. Professionally. New identity, new life. Witness protection, by criminals, for criminals. I have never been more not with someone.” 

“Are you okay?” Kim asked. 

Jimmy looked around his miserable, dingy little apartment—at the empty alcohol bottles strewn on the floor, at his own pale, shaking hands. “No.” 

“Give me your address. I’m coming out there.” 

 

“Are you alright? Gene?” the voice of one of the girls Jimmy worked with jolted him from his reverie. His new name had never stopped feeling like a slap in the face. It had been so much easier to become Saul than whoever Gene was supposed to be. 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Fine.” He didn’t know how long he’d been staring at the dough mixer, but it must have been long enough to be concerning. 

“You seem a little off lately.” 

“Just haven’t been sleeping too well. I’m fine though, really,” he insisted. In honesty, he couldn’t stop thinking about Kim. He couldn’t let himself believe it was real, that after he got off work, she would show up on his doorstep. This was just the universe playing another cruel joke on him. And he knew if he got his hopes up, only to have them crushed, there would be no recovery for him. So he had to tell himself it wasn’t going to happen. All the same, the clock had never moved so slowly. 

When he got home, his apartment was as dark and empty as ever. Instinctively, he made his way to the liquor cabinet, but stopped himself before he grabbed a glass. He’d rather not be drunk if Kim showed up, and he’d have plenty of time to drink himself into a stupor if she didn’t. So instead, he sat himself down in front of the TV and flipped through the channels, looking for anything to sufficiently distract him. He settled on the History Channel, some program about aliens that he wasn’t sure counted as history, but was distracting nonetheless. 

_Knock, knock, knock._

Jimmy’s heart jumped into his throat. He got up from the couch and crept over to the door, as if he could move wrong and destroy all probability that it was her. Without bothering to look through the peephole first, he opened the door. 

“Jimmy.”

The man had to brace himself against the doorframe with one hand. He let out the breath he’d been holding and then breathed in for what felt like the first time since his world had fallen apart around him. “You came.” 

“Of course I came. I’ve been worried sick about you.” 

Jimmy stepped aside to let her in. She looked so out of place standing in his rundown little apartment, like a flower in the desert. 

Kim surveyed her surroundings, first looking at the apartment, and then at Jimmy—his uncharacteristic black polo shirt and Dockers, his thinning, greasy hair, the broken, desperate look in his eyes accompanied by dark circles, and the mustache paralleling his permanent frown. “You look like hell,” she decided. 

Jimmy cracked a bittersweet smile. “It’s nice to finally see you again, too.” 

She shook her head and suppressed a smile of her own. “Jimmy, what happened?” 

He looked at the floor between them. “I wouldn’t even know where to start.” 

“You were involved with Walter White, weren’t you?” 

“Involved? Christ, I couldn’t even take a shit in peace without worrying about his problems. And his wife, and their carwash, and his brother-in-law, and Pinkman, and—God, I’m so sorry, Kim. I should have listened to you. If I had listened to you from the start, been a good honest lawyer and played by the rules, none of this ever would have happened. I’m sorry.” 

Kim put an end to his babbling by placing her hands on his shoulders and looking him in the eye. “But it’s over now, right? None of these people can contact you anymore?” 

“No. Walt got himself extracted too. I spent three days locked in a little concrete room with the man, and let me tell you, I’m not sure how his wife made it as long as she did. Jesus, I hope he stays away from her… and Pinkman if he’s out there. Shit.” Jimmy ran a hand through what was left of his hair. He hadn’t allowed himself to think about this since he’d gotten here. He’d carefully constructed a mental brick wall around his time with Walter White, and now it was all crashing down. 

“It’s alright. We don’t have to talk about this right now,” Kim assured him. 

Jimmy opened his eyes. “You’re right. I’m being a bad host. You want something to eat?” 

“I could use something. What do you have?”

Jimmy made his way into the kitchen and opened up the fridge. Nothing but a bruised apple, a six-pack of beer, and half a carton of milk. He moved on to the freezer. “I’ve got a couple microwave dinners. You like lasagna?” He held out the box apologetically. 

“How about we order Chinese? My treat.” 

 

“What are those from?” Kim asked after she swallowed a mouth full of chow mein. 

“What?” asked Jimmy, mouth still full of orange chicken. 

“The scars,” said Kim, pointing to his nose and forehead. “You didn’t used to have those.” 

“Are they that obvious?” Jimmy asked. 

“No, I’ve just been staring at your face,” said Kim nonchalantly. 

Jimmy felt himself blush and shifted awkwardly on the couch. The distance between them portrayed their relationship exactly—too close to be just friends, but not close enough to be anything more. “Those were my parting gift from Walter’s partner, Jesse Pinkman, the last time I ever saw him.”

“What’d you do?” 

Jimmy gawked at her. “You hear a meth cook punched me in the face, and you assume _I_ did something wrong?” 

“Didn’t you?” 

“Yes. Kind of. I didn’t know it was wrong, and I wouldn’t have done it if I’d known what I was doing.” 

Kim looked at him, imploring him to go on. 

“I kind of, maybe, accidentally helped Walt poison a kid… He lived!” Jimmy quickly added, upon seeing Kim’s eyebrows crawl halfway up her forehead. “I just—I didn’t question it. I did what he told me to do. It never even crossed my mind he might be doing something like that. I am not in the child poisoning business. But clearly I got what I deserved.” 

“What kind of meth cook beats up a lawyer for something like that?” asked Kim. 

Jimmy put down his takeout box. “Jesse Pinkman was no ordinary meth cook. I wouldn’t even call him that, really, ‘cause that’s not the type of person he was. He was so much more than that, so much better than that. He was a good kid. He just got mixed up with the wrong people, like me. He’s a lot like me, actually. I had to watch Walt string him along, like some sort of puppet or a dog on a leash. And he wouldn’t let me help him. That was the hardest part.” 

Jimmy was silent for a moment, and Kim just sat there, watching a wistful, faraway expression come over his eyes. “Walter wouldn’t talk about him when we were locked in that little room together, waiting to disappear. But I know what it means when Walt won’t talk about someone. He killed him. Like he did everyone else who inconvenienced him. It’s my fucking fault, too.” 

“How is that your fault?” asked Kim, leaning a little closer to him. 

“I put the idea in his head. I told him he should kill Jesse when he started getting out of control—I said it ‘cause I was scared Jesse was gonna come back and kill me. But Walt wouldn’t hear it. Must have changed his mind at some point though.” 

Kim could see Jimmy’s eyes were filling with tears now. She grabbed his hand in her own. “He could still be alive. As far as I know, they never found a body. And even if he is dead, it’s not your fault. Walter White and Jesse were responsible for their own actions.” 

“I tried to get him extracted too. But he didn’t go, because he found out about the kid. Coming back to kick the shit out of me was more important to him than saving his own life.” 

Kim squeezed his hand. “Some people can’t be saved, Jimmy. It’s over now.” 

He shook his head. “You don’t understand. I loved him.”

“Like… loved him loved him?” 

Jimmy nodded. 

“Did he…?” 

“He never knew,” said Jimmy. “Thank god. He would have told Walt, and Walt would have lost his shit if he found out his lawyer was gay for his partner.” He flitted his eyes over to meet Kim’s gaze. 

They stared at one another for a moment before Kim closed the distance between them and pressed their lips together. Jimmy was caught off guard at first. He kept his eyes opened as a jolt of white hot nervous energy shot through him. But when he realized he had nothing to fear here, his eyes closed, and he let himself melt into the sensation of Kim for the first time in so long. 

Tentatively, Jimmy brought his hand up to touch her arm, and then her face. Kim responded by deepening the kiss and biting lightly at his bottom lip. She pulled away after another minute, realizing that Jimmy would never break the kiss of his own accord. They stared at each other for a moment more. “That mustache has got to go,” said Kim. 

Jimmy chuckled. “Hey, it’s supposed to hide my identity. I’m Mr. Low Profile.” He looked down at their intertwined fingers. “So, where were you planning on sleeping tonight? I could get some blankets for the couch, or…?” He looked up sheepishly from behind his glasses. 

“I didn’t drive for 13 hours just to sleep on your couch,” said Kim. 

“Oh… Wait, I can sleep in the bed too, right?” 

“Jimmy, we’ve done this before. Relax.” 

Jimmy nodded. “It’s just… it’s been a long time since anyone’s wanted to share a bed with me… I never thought anyone would again.” 

Kim reached out and ghosted her fingers across the side of his face. “I’m here now. We’re going to get you through this,” she assured him. Then, slowly she rose to her feet, took him by the hand, and led him into the bedroom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim and Jimmy decide the future of their relationship.

It was 7:30 AM when Jimmy’s alarm clock went off. As per usual, he felt existential dread seeping into his veins, until he felt the warm body in bed next to him and remembered what had happened last night. He turned off the alarm and then turned to look at Kim, her face scrunched up in displeasure at having been woken. 

“You’re still here,” Jimmy mused. 

“What’d you think I’d do, drive home?” Kim mumbled into the pillow without opening her eyes. Jimmy grinned and started to slip out of bed. Kim grabbed him by the wrist. “Can’t you just call in sick today?”

Jimmy sighed. “I’m sorry. I wish I could, but those kids would burn the place down without me.”

Kim opened one eye. “Where the hell do you work?”

“Cinnabon.” 

“Jesus, I thought you smelled like it, but I figured you just ate there yesterday.” 

“Well I hope you like the smell, ‘cause I don’t think it’s ever coming off me.”

“Just makes me hungry,” Kim murmured, eyes slipping closed again. 

Jimmy pressed a kiss against her temple. “You go back to sleep. I gotta get ready.” 

 

It was ten o’clock when Kim finally dragged herself out of bed. Making her way into the kitchen, she surveyed her surroundings. It had been too dark last night to really get a good look at the miserable squalor Jimmy lived in. It was easy to see that cleaning up after himself was not at the top of his list of priorities. When her gaze landed on the kitchen counter, she found a note written in Sharpie ink on a Burger King napkin. 

_“Kim,_  
_Sorry to leave you alone all day. There’s cereal in the cabinet. Feel free to eat that and whatever else you can find. Just do whatever you want while I’m gone, mi casa es su casa. You can even use my toothbrush._  
_– Jimmy.”_

She smiled and made her way over to the cabinet. However, when she opened it, she was only met with various bottles of hard liquor, most of which were nearly empty. So she moved onto the next cabinet, which housed two boxes of Lucky Charms. She didn’t usually allow herself to eat glorified candy for breakfast, but at this point she didn’t have much of a choice. So she poured herself a bowl and decided to enjoy it. 

 

“You’re _still_ still here,” Jimmy remarked as he came back into the little apartment later that evening. 

Kim turned off the TV and turned to face him, grinning at how ridiculous and oddly endearing he looked in his work clothes. His name tag was still pinned to his shirt. “Nice to meet you, Gene,” she replied. 

Jimmy furrowed his brow and then looked down at the name tag. “Dammit. I always forget to take that off. And please, for the love of god, don’t call me that.” 

“I’m guessing you didn’t pick the name either?” 

Jimmy shook his head. 

“Hey, it’s no worse than Saul.”

“What do you mean? It’s way worse than Saul. Saul was a great name!” Jimmy insisted. 

Kim shrugged as she got off the couch and walked into the kitchen. “Whatever you say.” 

“It doubled as a pun. Saul Goodman, it’s all good, man. What more could you want from a name? The only thing I could do with this name is make some sort of joke about unzipping my genes. What did you get up to today?”

“Well, since you were out of just about everything, I went grocery shopping.” Kim opened the cereal cabinet. “You’re gonna die if you keep eating Lucky Charms every day, so I hope you like Honey Bunches of Oats.” 

Jimmy shrugged. “As long as it’s not Cinnamon Toast Crunch.” 

“I also took it upon myself to check out your local vintage video store, where I found this.” She reached into a bag on the counter, pulled out a DVD case, and tossed it to Jimmy. 

“ _Ice Station Zebra_? I can’t believe you found this.” With a fond smile, Jimmy set the DVD back down on the counter and opened the fridge. It was well-stocked for the first time since he’d lived here. “Kim, you didn’t have to do all this.” 

“I wanted to. I figured if I’m going to be staying here a while, I might as well make the place more comfortable.” 

Jimmy looked at his feet and ran a hand through his hair, the question that had been nagging at him all day coming to the forefront of his mind. “How long is a while?” 

“I can afford to take a week off for sure. After that, it’s hard to say. But I’ll stay as long as I can.”

Jimmy stepped closer and put his hand over hers. “Kim, I don’t know how much longer I can make it on my own. I have no one out here. Not a single person in this state cares if I live or die, and even if I met someone, they could never really know who I am. You’re the only person out there who will ever know me again.” 

Kim stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Jimmy, resting her head on his shoulder and allowing him to do the same. She knew she could try to comfort him, to tell him that he would make friends here, and it wouldn’t matter that they couldn’t ever know the whole story of his past. Or she could tell him that she would always be there for him, even when she had to go back to Albuquerque, and that she would visit whenever she had the time. But she knew none of that was what he needed to hear. She knew it wouldn’t be enough for him because, if she was being honest with herself, it wasn’t enough for her either. 

 

Neither of them mentioned Kim’s inevitable departure for the next few days. Instead, they fell into a comfortable routine of ordering takeout for dinner and watching TV for a few hours before their cuddling evolved into something more, and they would wind up in Jimmy’s bed where they would stay until his alarm rang in the morning, thus starting the cycle over again. Until Kim’s sixth night in Omaha, when she pulled away from a kiss and looked Jimmy in the eye. 

“What’s that look about? That’s not the ‘I want to fuck your brains out’ look. That’s the ‘we need to talk’ look,” said Jimmy. 

“We both know I’m going to have to go back to Albuquerque soon. Soon meaning probably tomorrow.” She felt Jimmy lean ever so slightly away from her, already subconsciously distancing himself to soften the blow of being left all alone once again. “But, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking while you’ve been at work. I run my practice by myself, so it wouldn’t be totally implausible for me to move the practice… out here.” 

Jimmy just stared; he was sure he had to have heard her wrong. There was no way she was saying what he thought she was saying. 

“Jimmy? You okay?” 

“You… you want to move your whole practice… out here? To Omaha? Omaha, Nebraska?”

“It’s not out of the question,” said Kim. 

“What about your clients? You’ve worked for years to build up a client base. I can’t let you throw that all away because of me.”

“I’ll lose some clients, but a lot of the work can be done out of state, so I could probably keep enough to make it work while I got myself started out here. And like you said when I started my solo practice the first time, if I got the clients I have now, I can always get more.” She grabbed his hand and then tilted his chin up so she could meet his eyes. “And let’s be real here. If I’m going to potentially throw my life’s work away for anyone, it’s going to be you.”

His eyes retreated from her gaze. “I’m not worth that.” The words left his lips in a broken whisper. 

“Jimmy, these past few days I’ve been here with you have been some of the best I’ve had in years.” 

He looked back to her, quizzical now. 

“I mean, yes, it’s hell to see you suffering like this, but it’s even worse to imagine you here without me. I feel like I have something to live for here. I feel like here with you, I matter. No one back in Albuquerque has ever made me feel like I matter. I love helping clients, but I’m just a lawyer to them; I could be anyone. And the men I’ve dated, I’ve just been another notch in the bedpost to them. No one else looks at me the way you look at me. And I’ve missed that. So don’t tell me that’s not worth it.”

He shook his head slowly. His lips moved as if they wanted to say something, but his brain couldn’t fathom what. “I—I don’t know what to say.” 

Kim took both of his hands in hers and looked at him straight on. “Just tell me if this is what you want, Jimmy.” 

 

_Three Months Later…_

“What should we watch tonight?” asked Jimmy, flopping onto the couch and putting his feet up on the coffee table. 

“We could watch _The Thing_. I heard they’re coming out with a remake soon, so it wouldn’t hurt to re-watch the original first,” suggested Kim. 

“Alright, you and your ice movies,” said Jimmy, shaking his head fondly and getting up to search through their DVD collection. 

Kim reached for the remote and turned on the TV. 

“—In what appeared to be a large-scale methamphetamine lab just outside of Albuquerque,” the news anchor was reporting. 

Kim was about to switch over to the DVD player when she processed the headline and froze. “Jimmy.” 

“Hmm?”

“Look.” 

Jimmy turned away from the DVD shelf and turned his attention to the television, his expression immediately softening into quiet disbelief. “…Shit.” 

“Again, we are receiving confirmation that drug kingpin Walter White is dead.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse makes his escape.

Jesse let out a scream as he tore down the road. He couldn’t tell if he wanted to laugh or cry—probably both. There were no words to describe all of the emotions swirling around inside of him as he processed what was happening—that Jack and Todd and the rest of those fuckers were dead. And that he was finally free. 

The sound of sirens approaching in the distance made Jesse look down at the speedometer. Shit, he was going 60 in a 35. He slowed down and tried to formulate a coherent train of thought. He could see the flashing lights now, a whole line of police cars rushing towards the compound he was desperately fleeing from. They passed him by in an instant, and he felt some tension drain from his shoulders. They weren’t after him yet, but they sure as hell would be soon. He had to find a place to lay low. He had to find someone to keep him safe. 

He drove until he reached a familiar stretch of road, and then almost on instinct, he found himself driving past the strip mall that housed Saul Goodman’s office. A rush of dread ran through him as he remembered the last time he’d been here, when he’d kicked the shit out of Saul and stolen his car. He had often laid awake in his hole in the ground thinking about that day. He hoped Saul had found it in his heart to forgive him. Jesse had come to terms with the fact that he was just as unintentionally complicit in Brock’s poisoning as Saul. Neither of them were to blame; they were both just Walt’s puppets. 

When Jesse pulled into the parking lot, a jolt of stomach-churning anxiety shot through him. Saul’s office was vacant. Had Mr. White…? No, he wouldn’t kill Saul. What reason would he have to kill Saul? The lawyer _was_ one of the only people left who knew the whole story of their criminal enterprise, but would Walt really…? Jesse shuddered and gripped the steering wheel. He couldn’t let his mind go there. 

For the moment being, he had to think of another place he could stay. He couldn’t go to his parents; they would turn him in the moment they saw him coming. He put the car back into gear and prayed to god that Badger hadn’t decided to move in the past six months. 

Jesse could smell the pot even before he knocked on the door, so it was a safe bet Badger was still there. “Dude, get your money. I think the pizza guy’s here.” A voice came from inside. Yep, definitely Badger. The door opened. Badger just squinted at him for a moment. “Jesse?” 

“Yeah, it’s me.” 

Skinny Pete popped up behind the taller boy, eyes wide. “Dude! You look like shit, bro!” 

“Look, can I just come in? I got nowhere else to go,” said Jesse, unable to look his friends in the eye. 

“Yeah, of course,” said Badger stepping aside. Badger and Pete just stared as Jesse awkwardly made his way inside, like he was a raccoon they were too afraid to chase out. 

“So you _are_ still here. We thought you moved to Alaska, man, like you always said you wanted to. That is, until Mr. White told us you didn’t,” said Pete. 

Jesse looked up at him now. “Mr. White? You talked to him? When?”

“Yeah, last night,” said Pete. “He like had us shine laser pointers at these rich people, trying to scare ‘em or some shit. I didn’t think we should do it, but he was offering serious cheddar, yo.” 

“Yeah, and then he asked us if there was still blue meth on the streets, which was weird ‘cause we thought it was him making it. But he said it was you…” added Badger, struggling to put the pieces together. 

Jesse ran his hands over his face. He couldn’t deal with trying to process this right now. “Can I, like, use your shower?”

“Uh, yeah. Of course,” said Badger. “You want some clean clothes?” 

Jesse nodded. “Yeah, thanks, man.” 

“Hey, if you leave your clothes outside the bathroom I can put ‘em in the laundry for you,” said Pete. “I was just about to start a load anyway.” 

Jesse quirked an eyebrow. “Why are you doing laundry at Badger’s?”

“This is my place too now, yo. We’re roommates!” 

 

Jesse hung his head and watched as the shower water ran brown from the months of dust and dirt and dried blood that clung to his skin. It would take him a hundred showers to feel clean again after that ordeal, but at least this was a start. The hot water pelted over his back, but his muscles no longer remembered how to relax. He took the opportunity to finally look at his body again, to see the scars left from where the shackles had dug into him, to see his ribs jutting out from malnourishment, to see the cuts and bruises that hadn’t faded away yet. 

When he emerged from the shower, clad in Badger’s old clothes, Jesse found his hosts sitting on the couch, scarfing down a pizza. 

“You want some?” Badger asked, mouth still full.

“Yeah, take some,” said Pete. “You look like you haven’t eaten in like… years.” 

Jesse nodded and sat down, picking up a slice. He thought he remembered reading somewhere that you weren’t supposed to eat too much after starving ‘cause your body wouldn’t know what to do with all the food anymore, so he tried to pace himself, savoring each bite as he chewed. It was so much better than the stale leftovers Todd had tossed down into the hole for him.

“After this we need to go ditch that car I came in,” said Jesse. 

Badger quirked an eyebrow. “Why?” 

“Yeah, that thing looked tight!” added Pete. 

“Because I killed the guy I stole it from,” said Jesse. Nobody questioned him after that. 

 

After they’d driven the car to an empty stretch of road, parked it off to the side, and wiped it for prints, they went back to Badger’s, where Jesse crashed on the couch. He was out before Pete could even ask if he wanted any extra blankets. In the morning, when his hosts came downstairs, they found Jesse already awake, having helped himself to a bowl of Cap’n Crunch and watching the news. 

“Bro, why you watching that shit? The news just bums me out, man,” said Pete. Jesse shushed him and kept watching, transfixed. Pete walked over to stand behind him to see what the big deal was. “Oh, shit. Was that… were you…?” he asked, taking in the sight of the meth lab swarming with police on the screen. 

“I worked there,” said Jesse. “They kept me chained up, forced me to cook for them.” 

Badger joined them with his own bowl of cereal. “How’d you get out?” 

“Mr. White killed them all, saved me. He’s dead now. They found him last night. Bled out.” 

Badger couldn’t think of anything meaningful to say. “…Shit.” 

“Law enforcement officials hope that this new development will help shed light on the whereabouts of several other missing persons involved in the Walter White case. These include DEA Agent Henry Schrader, DEA Agent Steven Gomez, and Walter White’s known associate, Jesse Pinkman. The three men were last seen together shortly before White’s disappearance and are currently presumed dead,” said the news anchor.

Jesse caught the nervous glance that Badger and Pete exchanged. “Don’t worry. I’ll get out of here. I just needed a place to stay for the night. I don’t want to get you two mixed up in all this.” 

“Where will you go?” asked Badger. 

Jesse shrugged. “I dunno. Anywhere but here. Maybe I’ll actually go to Alaska this time… Do you think I could maybe borrow some money for a cab? I don’t know when I’ll be able to pay you back but…” 

“Yeah, no problem, dude. Mr. White gave us a shit-ton of money last night. I think we could spare enough to at least get you wherever you want to go.” 

“Yeah, man. For real,” said Pete. “We’re not gonna let Heisenberg die for you just so you can be homeless.” 

Once Badger and Skinny Pete had shelled out five-hundred dollars each for Jesse, he stared down at the cash in his hands, unable to fathom what he could have done to deserve it. “This is a lot. You don’t have to…”

“No, take it,” Badger insisted. 

“We wouldn’t have any of this money in the first place if it wasn’t for you,” said Pete. 

Jesse folded the bills and put them into his pocket. “I’ll pay you back as soon as I get on my feet. I promise. And thank you. For everything.” 

Once they’d finished their goodbyes and Jesse had changed back into his own clothes, he sat down on the curb in front of Badger’s house, called for a taxi, and waited. It wasn’t too long before his ride showed up. 

“Where to?” asked the blonde woman in the driver’s seat, not bothering to look back at him. 

Jesse slipped into the back seat and closed the door. “I… I dunno.” 

“Well, think fast. The meter’s running.” 

Jesse furrowed his brow and looked up, trying to catch sight of the woman’s face in the rearview mirror. She sounded an awful lot like… “Mrs. White?”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse decides where he wants to go.

“Mrs. White?”

She was about to tell the kid that he was mistaken. That she was certainly not the wife of the late great Heisenberg. But something about his voice struck her. Nobody called her Mrs. White. Nobody except… She looked at the kid’s face in the rearview mirror. “Jesse Pinkman?” First Walt showed up at her house and then managed to get himself killed, and now Pinkman was in the back of her cab? When would this nightmare end?

“Yeah. I—uh, I’m not looking for trouble. I just gotta get out of town, you know? Before this whole thing blows up any further… You drive taxis now?” 

“It puts food on the table,” said Skyler. 

“Shouldn’t you have called in sick today or something? Like, you know what happened, right?” 

“Why should I lose a day’s pay just because Walt got himself killed? He’s been dead to me for a long time.”

Jesse nodded. An uncomfortable silence filled the cab, so Skyler took her foot off the break and started driving. “What are you doing here? I assumed Walt had you killed,” she said, her curiosity getting the better of her. 

“Nah. I mean, he tried. The people who were supposed to kill me for him didn’t. They locked me up and forced me to cook for them instead. And I’m guessing he somehow found out and got mad. And that’s why he came back, to kill them. But he let me go. I think he felt bad or something.” He waited to see if Skyler would have anything to say to that, but she just kept driving, so Jesse continued. “I don’t know where to go now. I can’t go home. My house is probably condemned or something, and the cops’ll find me there. I’ve got nothing.” 

“Well, you certainly can’t stay with me,” said Skyler. “The police are probably going to be all over me again now that Walt’s dead.” 

“Yeah, no, of course,” said Jesse. “Hey, uh, how are your kids? Are they, like, doing okay?” 

“Okay as can be expected. Why?” 

Jesse shrugged. “Dunno, I just don’t like to see kids get mixed up in stuff like this. They don’t deserve it, you know?” A silence settled over them again as Skyler continued to drive aimlessly. “Hey, do you know what happened to Saul?” Jesse asked. 

“He disappeared about the same time the rest of you did. Walt told me he moved to Omaha. Said he wanted to manage a Cinnabon.”

“Omaha. That’s in Nebraska, right? How far away is that?”

“You could get there in a day,” said Skyler. “If you really wanted.” 

Jesse weighed his options for a moment. He couldn’t stay here, and Alaska was alluring, but he seriously doubted he could make it there and live for more than a day or two on a thousand dollars in cash. He needed to go somewhere he had somebody. And Saul was the only somebody he had left. Even if Saul wouldn’t help him, being homeless in Omaha was just as good as being homeless anywhere else, he figured. “Mrs. White… I think I know where I want to go now.” 

 

Skyler pulled up in front of the Greyhound bus station. “Thanks, Mrs. White,” Jesse said, reaching into his pocket and handing her the money for the fare. “I… I hope everything works out okay for you, and your kids.” When she just nodded and didn’t reply, Jesse sighed and opened the door, stepping out into the crisp morning air. 

“Jesse.” He turned his head back to the cab to look at her. “Good luck,” she said. And he could see in her eyes that she meant it. There was an unspoken understanding there, that they had both been victims of the same monster, that they had both tried too hard to see the good in a man who had no good left. 

He nodded back to her and shut the door, watching as she drove off. Then, he made his way inside to the ticket counter. “One ticket to Omaha,” he told the cashier. “One-way.” 

 

The ride was long, and the bus smelled of cigarettes and stale urine, but the seat was more comfortable than anything Jesse had gotten to sit on at the compound. The steady forward momentum of the bus driving down the freeway eventually lulled him to sleep. His head banged up against the hot glass window every time they hit a bump in the road, but he willed himself to keep his eyes shut. 

The more time he spent asleep, the less time he could spend thinking about what might happen to him in Omaha. He might never find Saul. Even if he did find him, Saul might not want anything to do with him. Was Nebraska cold? Was he going to freeze to death on the streets? Maybe he should have used that gun to shoot Mr. White, and then shoot himself. It wasn’t like there was anything left for him anymore. No—he couldn’t let himself go down that road. He just had to fall back to sleep. 

It was almost nightfall the next day when the bus finally arrived in Omaha. Jesse hugged himself against the biting wind. As a lone snowflake gently drifted down in front of his face, he realized just how ill-equipped he was to be out here. Before he could even think about tracking down Saul, he’d need a jacket, a burner phone, and a place to crash for the night, so he braced himself against the cold, and made his way into the heart of downtown. 

The seedy motel he ended up at wasn’t much, and he didn’t trust the bed enough to sleep under the covers, but it was all he needed. He wasn’t tired after having slept most of the last two days away on the bus, so he took the opportunity to look around, opening all of the drawers and cabinets and trying to imagine what people would fill them with. In the drawer of the bedside table, he found a Gideon’s Bible and a dusty little tourist pamphlet listing restaurants and activities around Omaha. He sat on the edge of the bed and thumbed through it. 

He stopped when something caught his eye. A page about the mall. And on it, a list of restaurants, including Omaha’s very own Cinnabon. Jesse ran his finger over the logo. If he was ever going to find Saul, that was the place to start. 

 

He was at the mall soon after it opened. Even though he was probably unrecognizable enough with the beard and the hair and the scars, Jesse popped into a department store to buy sunglasses and an Omaha Storm Chasers baseball hat. He didn’t want to scare Saul off by getting caught stalking him at work. He then picked himself up a newspaper and made his way over to Cinnabon.

He kept his distance at first, pretending to look at another storefront while secretly stealing sideways glances at the overpriced bakery’s counter. Only teenage girls in visors and aprons. No sign of Saul. So, he sat down at a neighboring restaurant’s seating area, angled himself so he could keep an eye on the Cinnabon counter from over the top of his newspaper, and waited. 

After about an hour, an older man stepped out of the back room and started talking to one of the teenage girls. Jesse felt sorry for him. Even from halfway across the food court, Jesse could feel the despair emanating from him—his posture, his thinning hair, his ridiculous mustache, the way he was always looking over his shoulder, and holy shit. That was Saul. Jesse nearly dropped the newspaper. He had to look over the rim of his sunglasses to be certain, but there was no mistaking him. Jesse felt like he should look away. It felt so wrong to see Saul like this—without his flashy suits, his smarmy grin, and his grandiose gesticulations. It felt like seeing the man naked. 

He watched as Saul drudged through customer interactions without any of his usual bravado. He never laughed or smiled; he hardly even made eye contact. He just went through the motions over and over again. Jesse was suddenly reminded of his days at the compound. Cinnabon was no meth lab, but Saul looked like he was in his own personal prison nonetheless. 

 

After eight hours, Saul finally bid his goodbyes to his coworkers and disappeared into the back room. Jesse scrambled to his feet. He knew he needed to follow the man, but he still hadn’t quite worked out how. Saul emerged a few minutes later, out of uniform now, and Jesse followed him out of the mall at a safe distance. 

It was dark outside, and the parking lot was sparsely populated, save for a man leaning up against the side of a car, smoking a cigarette. Jesse stood back and watched as Saul got into a shitty little beater car, nothing like his old Cadillac. He knew he had to act soon or he would lose him. 

“Hey,” Jesse approached the smoking man. “You think you could give me a ride?”

The man flicked his ashes to the ground. “Fuck off.” 

“I’m not looking for trouble. I just need a ride. Here,” Jesse reached into his pockets. His wad of cash was running low. “I’ve got money. Two hundred dollars, cash. It won’t be far.” 

The man looked him over for a second, then put out his cigarette. “Alright. Money first.” Jesse handed over the cash, and the man got in his car, then opened the passenger door for Jesse. “Where to?” 

Jesse looked across the parking lot to see Saul’s car now making a turn out onto the street. “Left.” 

 

“This is good,” Jesse said as the car rolled into a residential neighborhood. He had lost Saul a few streets back, but he supposed that meant he must live around here somewhere. 

The driver pulled over. “Alright. Good luck, man.” 

Jesse was once again left to wander the streets alone. He zipped his jacket up over his chin and shivered his way down the road, looking at the cars in every driveway. After a few blocks, he came to an apartment complex. He had gotten so used to looking at cars to no avail that he almost didn’t react when he spotted a familiar one in the parking lot. But there it was. Now he just had to hope that he’d followed the right car and hadn’t gotten it mixed up somewhere along the way. He walked into the parking lot and peered at the number painted onto the asphalt underneath Saul’s car. 3A. 

Now, all he had to do was find the right door and knock. 

His feet felt frozen to the ground. He’d come all this way and spent almost all of his money to get to this moment. It was his last chance. If Saul rejected him now, he’d truly have nothing. And it was far less scary to just stand here in limbo than to take a chance at facing that rejection. As long as he stood perfectly still, his future was equally hopeful and hopeless. He felt like he was starting to understand that dead cat in a box thing Mr. White had tried to explain to him once. 

But as the cold started to seep into his bones, Jesse came to accept the fact that he couldn’t just sit in a state of uncertainty forever. It was time for him to open the box and find out if he was dead or alive.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim and Jimmy's evening does not go as expected.

“Tough day?” Kim asked as Jimmy collapsed onto the couch next to her. 

Jimmy ran his hands over his face. “I kept telling this guy that we don’t make Blizzards. I told him either we could make him a Chilllatta, or he could go to Dairy Queen, but he wouldn’t take no for an answer.” 

Kim brought her hands up to his shoulders to knead out the tension. “Well, now I want you to forget all about that and relax. And I’m not gonna take no for an answer either.” 

“Oh god. Right there. Harder. Oh yeah.”

Kim couldn’t help but grin at how Jimmy couldn’t seem to keep his mouth shut during massages. It was a bit unfortunate that they lived in a building with thin walls, but no one had complained to them yet. 

_Knock, knock, knock._

Jimmy furrowed his eyebrows and looked at the clock. “Who the hell could that be?” He started to get up, but Kim pushed him back down. 

“No, you’re relaxing tonight, remember? I’ll get it.”

“Probably for the best. You could beat the shit out of a robber better than I could,” Jimmy muttered. 

Kim opened the door and looked at the scruffy, battered young man expectantly. “Can I help you?”

“Oh, uh, I must have got the wrong place. Sorry.”

Jimmy couldn’t see the man’s face from where he sat, but the voice shot an electric shiver down his spine. He jolted up off of the couch and scrambled to the door. He and the man standing there locked eyes with each other and just stared in disbelief, leaving Kim to try to put the pieces together. “Do you know him?” she asked. 

Jimmy opened his mouth, trying to form some sort of explanation, but all he could say was, “Jesse…”

 

“How did you—what happened? What are you doing here?” Jimmy sputtered, unable to organize the jumble of questions all pushing and shoving to be the first one out of his mouth. 

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to bother you,” said Jesse, dread seeping into his stomach at the sight of Kim. He didn’t want to burden this woman with his troubles and make Saul put his life on hold for him when he clearly had better things to do. “I’ll just go.”

“Jesse, no, wait,” Jimmy reached his hands out but stopped himself before actually touching the younger man. “Please, stay.” 

Kim and Jimmy stepped aside to let Jesse come in. He looked around at the little apartment. It was more modest than he’d imagined any place where Saul lived, but maybe it wasn’t even his place. Maybe it was the woman’s place. He felt too uncomfortable to do anything other than stand in the entry way. 

“Sit down, come on,” Jimmy coaxed. Jesse gingerly sat down in the armchair while Jimmy and Kim returned to their places on the couch. “Jesus, you look like you’ve been through hell and back. What happened?” 

Jesse looked from Jimmy to Kim and then back again, begging a silent question. 

“This is Kim. My… girlfriend. It’s okay. She knows.” 

“Everything?” asked Jesse. 

Jimmy nodded. “Everything.” 

“Mr. White’s dead,” said Jesse. 

“I know, kid,” Jimmy said softly. “How did you get here?”

“I took a bus. Mrs. White told me where to find you.” 

Kim turned to Jimmy. “I thought _no one_ knew where to find you.”

“…Yeah. In hindsight, telling Walt where I was going probably wasn’t my finest moment.” 

Kim rolled her eyes at him. 

“Don’t worry. I didn’t, like, tell anyone you’re here,” said Jesse, looking down at his feet. 

“I know, kid. It’s alright. Why are you here though? Are you in trouble?”

Jesse shook his head and held back the tears that were suddenly threatening to form as best he could. “No. I just… I had nowhere, nothing. I just…” he dug his fingers into the armrest, willing his voice not to shake. “Needed someone.” 

Jimmy could see the tears welling up in the boy’s eyes now, making his heart break. He longed to get up and place a comforting hand on Jesse’s arm, but he forced himself to stay on the couch. “Hey, it’s alright. We don’t need to talk about this anymore tonight. The important thing is you’re here now, and we’re gonna look after you, okay?” 

Jesse nodded and wiped at his eyes. “Sorry.” 

“You’ve got nothing to apologize for, kid,” said Jimmy, standing up and allowing himself to gently squeeze Jesse’s shoulder. “Can I get you anything? You hungry? We were just about to heat up some dinner.”

Jesse looked up at him. “Do you think I could use your shower first?” he asked, suddenly self-conscious about how disgusting he looked and felt in the presence of the put-together blonde blue-eyed beauty on Saul’s couch. He knew there had to be a story there. 

“Yeah, of course. It’s just down the hall and to the left. There’s a spare towel in the cabinet.”

Jesse nodded his thanks and quickly fled the living room, avoiding looking anywhere but his own feet. 

Jimmy sank back down onto the couch next to Kim. “So, that’s Jesse Pinkman,” she said. 

“Yeah… He, uh, looks better when he’s cleaned up,” Jimmy added with a sheepish glance in Kim’s direction. 

She almost had to laugh. “I wasn’t worried about his looks.”

Jimmy shrugged. “Just didn’t want you to think I had terrible taste in men.” 

“That’s the least of our concerns right now.” 

 

From his place in front of Saul’s bathroom mirror, Jesse could hear his hosts talking about him in hushed voices, but he couldn’t quite make out any of the words. If this was true to his past experiences, Saul’s girlfriend was probably trying to talk Saul out of letting him stay with them. And if that was true, Jesse didn’t stand a chance. There was no way Saul would risk pissing off someone like that for a pathetic homeless junkie like him. Still, they’d probably let him stay the night at least, so he figured he’d better take advantage of the situation while he was here. 

He couldn’t stand how scruffy he looked anymore, so he rooted through Saul’s drawers and cabinets until he found a pack of disposable razors and appropriated one for himself to shave his unkempt beard. He was half-tempted to find some scissors and take a go at cutting his own hair, but he figured just washing it would be good enough for now. 

With his beard gone, he could see his scars even more clearly. He’d known they were there, but he hadn’t ever gotten a chance to look at them at the compound, other than when he could catch a distorted glimpse of his reflection in the metal surfaces of the lab equipment. Now, he could study the new landscape of his face in depth, tracing the outlines of everywhere Todd and Jack’s beatings had split his skin. He must look so repulsive to Saul and his poor girlfriend. He was starting to wish he’d never come to Nebraska. 

 

“Here you go, kid. This should keep you warm enough,” said Jimmy, handing Jesse the two spare blankets he kept in the hall closet. After Jesse had returned from his shower, the three of them had eaten dinner in relative silence with Jesse either staring down at his food or blankly at the wall in front of him. It was times like that Kim wished she’d become a psychologist instead of a lawyer. Now, all three of them were exhausted, and Jimmy wanted to make sure the couch was as comfortable as possible for the poor kid. 

“Thanks,” said Jesse, taking the blankets. 

Saul rubbed the back of his neck. “Sorry I don’t have any extra pillows.” 

“Nah, it’s alright. This is good, really. Thank you.” 

“Alright, goodnight, kid. I’ll see you in the morning. Let us know if you need anything.” 

Jesse nodded and started to unfold the blankets onto the couch. 

“Goodnight, Jesse,” said Kim, trying to catch the young man’s fleeting gaze. 

“Night,” he replied, looking up at her for a split second before turning his head back down to the couch.

“He seems terrified of me,” Kim remarked once she’d shut the door to her and Jimmy’s bedroom. 

Jimmy flopped down onto the bed and ran his hands over his face. “He’s obviously been through hell, poor guy. I can’t even imagine what happened to him. He’ll warm up to you eventually. He’s the sweetest kid; I swear.” 

Kim took a seat next to him and ran her fingers through his hair. “What are we going to do about him?” 

“What is there to do? We can’t kick him out on the streets. I know this kid; he won’t make it out there alone. One day and he’ll start using again, if he hasn’t already.” 

“I wasn’t going to suggest we kick him out. He obviously came to you for a reason. I just… I don’t want you to blame yourself if…”

“If what?”

“If you can’t save him. I know how it feels to care about someone and to not be able to save them from themselves.” 

It took Jimmy a moment to realize she was talking about him. He was her Jesse Pinkman. He bit at the inside of his cheek. “If there’s hope for me, there’s hope for him,” he decided. “He just needs someone, for once in his life, to give him a chance.” 

Kim squeezed Jimmy’s hand. “You still love him, don’t you?” 

“I love _you_ , Kim. Him showing up doesn’t change that. It will never change that.” 

“But you do still love him,” she said, less of a question this time. The look in Jimmy’s eyes when he met her gaze said all she needed to know.

 

A while later, when Kim emerged from the bedroom to brush her teeth, a noise drifting down the hall caught her attention. She crept silently towards the living room, stopping when she recognized it as the muffled sound of someone softly crying. More specifically, Jesse Pinkman crying. She hated to leave him like that, but she knew he probably wouldn’t be comforted by someone he’d only met a few hours ago intruding on his crying session. So she tiptoed her way back to the bedroom and touched Jimmy on the arm to wake him up from his light slumber.

“Jimmy. You should go talk to him. I don’t think he’s doing too well.” 

Jimmy got out of bed, threw on a pair of sweatpants, and made his way out to the living room where Jesse was still quietly sobbing into the couch cushions. Jesse looked up when he heard Jimmy’s footsteps, and the older man could see the tears streaked down his face in the dim glow from the streetlights outside. “Sorry,” said Jesse with a sniffle. “I’ll be quieter.” 

“Jesus, you think I’m out here to tell you to be quiet? I just wanted to make sure you’re okay.” 

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine. Mind if I sit down?” Jimmy asked. Jesse sat up and scooted over, curling in on himself to leave room for the other man to occupy the cushion next to him. “You wanna talk about what happened?” 

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t think I can. Not yet.” 

“That’s okay. We can talk about whatever you want.” 

“Don’t you gotta go to work in the morning? Don’t let me keep you up.”

Jimmy shook his head. “It’s my day off. I’ve got all night.” 

“I kinda stalked you at work,” Jesse admitted after a moment. “I almost didn’t recognize you at first.” 

“That’s kinda the idea,” Jimmy chuckled. 

Jesse cracked a small smile. “Yeah, I guess it is. So what, like, happened? Why’d you have to come out here?” 

“Well, Walt got himself caught, in the end. Tried to get his family to disappear with him, but they wouldn’t go. They called the cops on him instead. Kidnapped his own daughter.”

Jesse shot him a horrified look. 

“Don’t worry, she was fine. He just did it so his wife would look innocent. He practically confessed to everything on a phone call the police were monitoring. After they knew who he was, it was only a matter of time before they’d be coming for me too. So, I did what I had to do. Turns out you don’t get to choose where you disappear to.” 

Jesse nodded and studied the other man’s face for a moment. He winced when he saw that he’d left his mark there. “Sorry about the scars. I, uh—you didn’t deserve that.” 

“I kinda did,” said Jimmy. “You got some scars yourself. Did Walt…?”

“No, it wasn’t him.”

Jimmy didn’t know whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, so he just nodded and let a silence fall over them. 

Jesse yawned and pulled the blankets tighter around himself. “What about your girlfriend? How’d you meet her?” 

“I met Kim a long time ago. Way before you and Walt. Before I became a lawyer even.” 

“So you’ve, like, had a girlfriend this whole time and never bothered to tell us?” Jesse asked. 

“I was your lawyer, kid. I could have had three kids, a wife, a girlfriend, and a boyfriend on the side, and you wouldn’t have been any the wiser. But no. She wasn’t my girlfriend when you knew me. We got back together after I came out here. Apparently I’m a lot easier to track down than I would have hoped.” 

Jesse rested his head against the back of the couch and let his eyes start to droop closed. “Thanks for letting me crash here,” he said, his voice becoming thick with sleepiness.

Jimmy was starting to feel the pull of sleep himself. It was warm and comfortable sitting here in the dark with Jesse. “Anything for you, kid."


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse gets settled in.

In the morning, Kim woke up to an empty bed. At first, she just figured Jimmy had left for work already, but then she remembered it was his day off. She got up and made her way out to the living room. There was Jimmy, sound asleep on the couch, right next to Jesse, who was curled up with his knees to his chest and his head resting against Jimmy’s shoulder. One of the blankets was wrapped around Jesse, and the other had fallen to the floor. Kim picked it up and draped it over her boyfriend. 

Jimmy awoke to the smell of French toast and eggs. He opened his eyes to see Kim standing in front of the stove with a spatula. It took him a moment to process that he wasn’t in his bed, and another to process that Jesse Pinkman was asleep against his shoulder. 

“Good, you’re awake,” said Kim, looking over when she heard the rustling of blankets. 

“Yeah. Sorry, I must have dozed off out here last night,” said Jimmy, heat rising on his cheeks at his proximity to Jesse. He wondered if he should try to move before the kid woke up. He didn't want him to think he'd stayed with him on purpose. He didn't want to freak him out, especially when there was no chance of anything happening between them anyway. 

Jesse moved his head from Jimmy’s shoulder and rubbed at his eyes. “What’s goin’ on?” he mumbled blearily. 

“I’m making breakfast,” Kim replied. “How many eggs do you want?” 

“Uh, two should be good, thanks.” Realizing just how close he was to Saul, Jesse tried to inconspicuously put a few inches of distance between them. Why was Saul even sitting so close to him in the first place? Had he spent the whole night on the couch with him? 

“What about you, Jimmy?” Kim asked. 

“Two sounds good,” the man replied. 

Jesse’s brows furrowed in sleep-addled confusion. “Who the hell’s Jimmy?” 

A wave of guilt and embarrassment washed over the man at the realization that he’d neglected to ever tell the poor kid his real name. “I never told you my name’s not really Saul?” 

Jesse shook his head. 

“Oh. Must have slipped my mind.” 

Jesse unwrapped himself from the blanket. “Well, that’s gonna take some getting used to if you want me to call you Jimmy.” 

The older man shrugged. “Call me whatever you want, kid. Just as long as it’s not Gene.” 

 

“This is some bomb-ass French toast, Kim,” said Jesse, the sugar and protein starting to bring him back to his normal levels of enthusiasm. “You put nutmeg in this?” 

“I did,” she replied, impressed. “How’d you know?” 

“My mom used to put nutmeg in it. She’d always make it on my birthday, until she stopped giving a shit about me. I tried buying those, like, French toast toaster waffles for a while, but it’s never the same. Especially if you cook them in the microwave.” 

Kim grinned at the mental image. She was starting to see what Jimmy liked about the kid. “Why would you cook them in the microwave?” 

Jesse shrugged. “Didn’t feel like buying a toaster.” 

“Should’ve got you one of those as a housewarming gift instead of that cactus,” said Jimmy. Kim tried to suppress a grin at the thought of Jimmy trying to flirt by giving someone a cactus. That was exactly something he would do. 

“So, uh, I’ve been thinking,” said Jesse, taking advantage of the conversational lull. “I probably can’t get an actual job on account of being a wanted criminal, so I can’t pay rent, but if you let me stay with you, I could do all the cleaning and cooking and fixing things up. Like anything you don’t want to do, I’m your guy. And then maybe after this whole Heisenberg thing blows over in a few months, I could, like, work construction or something. I dunno. But if you want me out, just say the word, and I’ll go. I didn’t mean to like, intrude in your guys’ lives.” He took an exceptionally long drink of orange juice to stop himself from rambling on any further. 

Jimmy was so stunned he almost forgot to reply. Did Jesse really think he thought so little of him? “Of course you can stay with us! What, you thought we were gonna just gonna kick you out on the streets?” asked Jimmy. “And don’t even worry about money, okay? You always have a home with us.” 

“Of course,” Kim agreed. “I mean, we’d never turn down some free housework, but there's no rush. You just got here. You don’t need to prove your worth to us.” 

When Jesse finally put down the orange juice, he had a look of complete incomprehension on his face. “Why are you guys being so nice to me? Like, I show up all disgusting on your doorstep and you just take me in? No questions asked?” 

Jimmy suppressed the urge to reach out across the table and place his hand over Jesse's. “I hate to sound so uncynical,” he said, “but most of the world is filled with a lot nicer people than the world you’ve been living in.” 

“We’ll need to get you a key,” said Kim. “And some clothes, maybe a pillow…” 

“I could use a toothbrush too,” said Jesse, realizing he hadn’t touched one of those since before Mr. White’s brother-in-law had taken him in. 

“Just use her finger; she won’t mind,” Jimmy joked. 

Kim gave him a soft punch in the arm. “We’ll get you a toothbrush.” 

Jesse ran a hand through his hair, pushing it back. He hated how it fell over his face when he looked down to eat. “I could probably use a haircut too.” 

“I could cut it for you, if you want,” said Kim. “I used to cut my friends’ hair in college. No one ever got mad at me, so I figured I must have done an okay job.” 

“Yeah, I mean, if you don’t mind,” said Jesse. 

“Of course. No problem.” 

“How come you never offered to cut my hair?” Jimmy asked. 

Kim scoffed. “What hair?” 

 

After they’d cleaned up from breakfast, Kim took Jesse into the bathroom, grabbed her scissors, and stood him in front of the mirror. “Alright, how do you want it?” 

“I dunno, your choice. Just not all in my face,” said Jesse. 

“Jimmy!” Kim called. “Get in here.” 

Jimmy popped his head in the door a few seconds later. “Yeah?” 

Kim gestured to Jesse with the scissors. “How do you want him?” 

“Oh. I don’t know. I mean, I kinda like how he looked before he buzzed all the hair off--not that that helps you. It was kinda… spikey on top?” 

“Well, let’s get some of this length off, and we’ll see what we can do,” said Kim. 

Twenty minutes later, Jesse was almost back to looking like he did a year ago, at least as far as the hair went. Looking into his eyes, Jimmy felt like the kid had aged decades since he'd last seen him. 

"What do you think?" asked Kim. She was a little rusty with the scissors, but Jesse looked pretty good, if she did say so herself. 

Jesse took a moment to look himself over in the mirror and run his hands through it. "Yeah, it's great. I'm never paying for a haircut again. Thanks, man. You're like a pro at that." 

"You hear that, Jimmy? I didn't need to waste all that time and money on law school; I should have just cut hair for a living." 

 

"What the hell is this? Smell this; it smells like someone chopped down a Christmas tree next to a bubble gum factory," said Jimmy, holding out the stick of deodorant to Kim. 

"Wow," said Kim, taking in the contrast between the product's scent and it's excessively hyper-masculine packaging. "They certainly know how to overcompensate." 

"Hey, Jesse, get a whiff of this," said Jimmy, pushing the deodorant towards the younger man. Jesse stood still, staring straight ahead, hands gripping the handle of the shopping cart as if Satan himself was trying to pull it away from him. "Kid, you alright?" Jimmy asked more gently. 

"Huh? Oh, yeah. Fine. It's just, uh, bright in here. And there's a lot of people." Jesse ran his hand through the hair at the back of his neck, trying not to betray how quickly his heart was beating or the fact that he could barely hear over the sound of blood rushing through his ears. Jesus, he felt like such a failure. After spending almost six months in a hole in the ground, he would have thought he'd be relieved to see the inside of a Target again, but everywhere he looked, he just saw ghosts of his past. The bald guy buying contact solution looked like Mr. White from behind, the dude smoking a cigarette by the entrance could well have been Todd at a glance, and the kids running happily through the toy aisle only made him see Jake and Drew Sharp and Brock. 

"Alright, we'll try to hurry it up. Remember, get anything you want," Jimmy reminded him. The kid clearly felt like he didn’t deserve even the most basic necessities, and it broke Jimmy's heart. He wanted to have whoever made him feel that way's teeth kicked in, but he wasn't in that business anymore. The most he could do to get back at someone now was short them on icing. "I'll even buy you an Icee when we're done." 

"You don't gotta do that," said Jesse, trying to control the tremor in his voice. His eyes darted from side to side, his mind scrambling to identify all of the voices around him. He was used to voices meaning something bad was about to happen. It meant Todd or Jack was coming for him. It meant he had to brace himself for whatever they might do. It had been forever since he'd been somewhere this loud, except for when Mr. White had been on top of him and his ears had been filled with a cacophony of screams and gunshots. Nothing would ever be as loud as that. 

A man pushed his way through the aisle, bumping into Jesse and nearly sending his frail form falling backwards into the display of mouthwash bottles. Jimmy reached out and grabbed Jesse's shoulder to steady him, and that's when he noticed how much the younger man was shaking and how shallow his breaths were coming now. He exchanged a glance with Kim, searching for answer. Comforting people wasn't exactly second nature to Jimmy, especially when he had no idea what sort of demons Jesse was wrangling. 

"Hey," said Kim, "Why don't you two go wait in the car. I'll finish the shopping." 

"You don't gotta do that for me; I'll be okay," said Jesse, the poster-boy for not-okay. 

"Come on, kid. No need to put yourself through this. Let's go," said Jimmy.

The gentle look in the man's eyes broke down Jesse's resolve. He nodded numbly and followed him toward the exit. The rest of the world seemed to blur around the edges, and all of the sounds of consumerism surrounding him merged together into a dull roar, like a waterfall in his ears. He just had to focus on Saul. Saul was all that was real to him right now, and that was the only reality he needed. 

Jimmy walked Jesse back to the car. They'd taken Kim's car instead of Jimmy's old beater. No need for the three of them to look more pathetic in public than they likely already did. People probably wondered if the two of them were holding Kim hostage. Jesse was still shaking, so Jimmy opened up the door to the back seat, ushered Jesse in, and then slid in to the seat next to him, with only that awkward middle seat that no one should ever have to sit in separating them. "Alright, you're safe now, Jesse," he said, daring to reach out and put his hands on the kid's shoulders. When Jesse didn't pull away from the touch, Jimmy tentatively kneaded his hands into the tense muscles there. "Just breathe, in for four seconds, hold it for seven, then out for eight." Jimmy silently counted along while Jesse followed his instructions. He could feel the muscles in the kid's shoulders gradually loosen up, and after three full breaths, he'd stopped shivering like a Chihuahua. "Better?" 

"Yeah. Where'd you learn that?" Jesse asked. 

"My brother had panic attacks too. I took care of him a lot, so I got pretty good at helping him through them." 

"I didn't know you had a brother," said Jesse, noting in the back of his mind that Saul's hands were still on his shoulders. 

"Jimmy had a brother. Saul didn't. And neither does Gene." 

"He even know you're out here?" Jesse asked. 

Jimmy shook his head. "Trust me, he wouldn't want to know. I'm sure he's just happy I've left Albuquerque and stopped tarnishing the family name." 

"You ever miss him?" 

"In a way," said Jimmy, leaving the conversational wound open for Jesse to poke at if wanted. 

"I miss my brother," Jesse murmured. "I wonder sometimes, like, what my parents told him happened to me. Like, does he think I'm just chilling in ABQ somewhere I just never bother to come see him anymore? Or does he think I'm dead or something?" 

Jimmy considers pointing out that Jesse wasn't around much for the kid even when he was in Albuquerque, but that didn't seem like quite the right conversational avenue to go down, so instead he just removed his hands from Jesse's shoulders and murmured, "I'm sorry." 

"'S'all right," said Jesse, picking at the hangnails around his thumb. "Man, I could use a smoke right now, but I don't know if I should let myself go back to that after being forced to quit cold turkey already, y'know?" 

"I wouldn't do it, kid. Quitting once is hard enough. You don't want to go through all that again if you decide to give it up someday. You need a new habit. Tell you what, I'll text Kim and tell her to pick you up some bubble gum. What flavor do you like?" 

"Nah, I'm fine. I don't want you spending more money on me than you already have." 

Oh, Jesus. The poor kid feels guilty about that? Enough that he doesn't even think he deserves a pack of gum? "Money's not an issue. We're in a two-income household, and one of those is a lawyer's income. Besides, you practically bankrolled me for years. It's the least I can do. Now give me a flavor, 'cause if you don't tell me, I'm gonna have her buy you chocolate bubble gum." 

Jesse finally turns to look at Jimmy now, a flash of amusement in his jaded eyes. "They make that? That sounds disgusting." 

Jimmy pulled out his phone and started typing to Kim. "Too bad, kid. You're trying it."


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Feelings come to light.

“Dude, why do you have Uno in here?” Jesse asked, holding up the colorful deck of cards he’d found lodged in the back of the utensils drawer. The three of them had formed a sort of dishes assembly line, Jimmy washing, Kim drying, and Jesse putting them away. 

“Oh, forgot about that. I didn’t know where else to put it. I’m not much of a game person,” Jimmy shrugged. 

“Then why do you have it in the first place?” Jesse wondered. 

“It was a gift from an ex. He was obsessed with that game. Wanted me to have a copy to remember him by.” Jimmy could see the wheels turning in Jesse’s head as he spoke, and those were not the wheels turned by just thinking about Uno. 

“Wait, you dated a dude?” 

Jimmy just raised an eyebrow at Jesse and deadpanned, “Does this look like the face of a straight guy to you?” 

“I dunno. I don’t want to like, stereotype people and shit,” said Jesse, looking away as he felt his cheeks grow hot. 

“We should play,” said Kim, jumping in to save that sinking ship of a conversation. 

Jimmy sighed. “Really? You too?” 

“Come on, how long has it been?” asked Kim.

“A few years,” Jimmy conceded. 

“We’re definitely playing. You down, Jesse?” 

“Totally. I used to kick ass at this game when I played with my little brother.” 

 

“Come on, Kim. Give me something to work with here. Jesse’s the one you should be after!” griped Jimmy as Kim looked through her small hand with a devious smirk playing at the corner of her mouth. 

“Sorry, Jimmy, draw two again,” said Kim, placing the card down on the stack. 

Jimmy glared at his competitors as he drew the requisite cards, adding to his hand, which was already more than double Kim and Jesse’s. “Fine, be that way. I guess you’re not getting laid tonight.” 

Jesse chuckled and jabbed his thumb in Jimmy’s direction. “How can you stand this guy?”

Kim shook her head. “I ask myself that every day.”

“Jesse, help me out here. Give her something good.” Jesse just grinned and shrugged as he placed down his card at absolutely no detriment to Kim. “Fine, be that way. But I’m gonna skip your ass. God knows I’ve got enough of ‘em,” Jimmy muttered. 

“Not if I do this,” said Kim, throwing down a reverse, sending the next turn back to Jesse. “Uno.”

Jesse laid down a wild card and with a smug smirk in Jimmy’s direction. “Red. Draw four, bitch.”

Jimmy gaped at him. “You two are conspiring against me!” 

“No rules against that,” said Jesse with a sly grin. 

“As his lawyer and an expert in card game law, I can confirm,” said Kim. 

Jimmy thumbed his way through his cumbersome hand. There had to be one good red card in here _somewhere._ “Card game law, eh?”

“Yeah, it’s a rapidly growing field. I’m thinking of specializing.”

Jimmy decided to take a leap of faith and threw down a red four. When a grin broke out across Kim’s lips, he knew he’d chosen wrong. She threw down her last card onto the pile and went right in for a high five with Jesse. 

“Yeah, bitch!” the younger man beamed. “Go, Kim!” 

And Jimmy thought that maybe if him losing at Uno could make Jesse smile like that, he wouldn’t mind doing it every night. 

 

“So, you two seem to be hitting it off well,” said Jimmy as he and Kim climbed into bed later that night. 

“Us two?” asked Kim. “You’re the one who slept with him last night.”

Jimmy pulled the covers up further, as if trying to defend himself with them. “I didn’t sleep with him! Well, I mean, I guess technically I did, but you know what I mean.” 

Kim cuddled up closer, letting Jimmy nestle into her side. “It’s okay, Jimmy. I don’t mind. I’m not jealous.”

“Well, that’s good, because there’s nothing to be jealous about. You know nothing’s ever going to happen.”

“You don’t think he likes you back?” Kim asked. 

“Why would he? He’s a sweet, good looking kid with his whole life ahead of him, and I’m just some two-bit ex-crook who nearly drank himself to death a few months ago.” 

“I dunno, the way he looks at you, I think he might.”

“That’s not even the point. The point is, I’m with you, Kim. I’m not leaving you. Not for anyone.” 

“I never said anything about you leaving me.” 

Jimmy sat up to face her, brows furrowed in confusion. “What are you getting at here?” 

Kim tried her best to keep her composure. Couldn’t Jimmy just take a hint? Well, she supposed there wasn’t much of a precedent for this sort of thing being hinted at, so she had better just come out and say it. “If you wanted to take things that direction with Jesse, I’d be… open to it.”

“What?”

“I mean, I know it depends on how he feels, of course. But if things went that way…” 

“You… you’re giving me permission to sleep with Jesse?” 

“I mean, we’ll have to see how it goes. But I’d be open to the idea. I think you two could be good for each other.”

“Okay, you’re gonna have to tell me that again in the morning ‘cause there’s no way I’m gonna believe this wasn’t a dream,” said Jimmy, running his hand over his face to try to regain a grip on reality. “I just… _why_?” 

“It’s clear you still have feelings for him, and I don’t want you to have to suppress those. We can work with this, Jimmy.” 

He sighed and laid back down, willing his heartrate to return to normal. “Well, I appreciate the sentiment, but it’s still not gonna happen. I’m not gonna scare the poor kid off by telling him I’ve wanted to bone him since the day we met. He’ll think that’s the only reason I took him in. I’m not gonna have him feel like that’s all he’s worth.” 

“He wouldn’t think that. Not if you tell him you care.”

At that, Jimmy couldn’t help but let out a pained and bitter chuckle. “You haven’t seen what I’ve seen. You haven’t seen Walter White manipulate the shit out of this poor kid by telling him he cares. You haven’t seen Pinkman realize that Walt’s gonna kill him if he doesn’t get out of town, only to break down sobbing in his arms, like the guy who’d just as soon put a bullet in his head is the only one who could comfort him about it. You know how hard that is to watch? To watch Walt stroke his hair and hold him after threatening his life? Care has been weaponized against Jesse Pinkman.” 

Kim pulled Jimmy’s back against her chest and held him there wordlessly. She felt suddenly out of her depth. Sometimes when Jimmy talked about his time with Heisenberg, she remembered just how different their worlds were. It was easy to forget that fact when they were in their cozy little apartment, where Jimmy came home smelling of cinnamon, and the worst thing he would encounter during his work day was a snippy soccer mom complaining that they were out of napkins. It was easy to forget that this life they led was bought with illegal drug money, and built on the backs of innocent victims. This was harder to forget when one of the ghosts of Jimmy’s past was sleeping on their couch. 

“You’re not him though. You’re not Walter White,” said Kim after a stretch of silence. 

When Jimmy didn’t reply for a moment, she thought he might be asleep. “No,” he eventually murmured. “But I’m not sure I’m much better.” 

 

Kim pulled into the guest parking spot she had unofficially claimed at the apartment complex. No one had complained yet. They were probably just happy that the fact that he was living with a well put-together lawyer meant that the creepy mustachioed man in 3A was not a serial killer. As she pulled in, Kim noticed that Jimmy’s parking spot was still empty. It wasn’t unusual for her to arrive home before he did, but she hadn’t realized before that it meant she might get to be alone with Jesse. 

The prospect intrigued her more than anything. From the glimpses of Jesse’s personality she had been able to catch over the past few days, and the stories Jimmy had told her, she’d grown fascinated by him. He was still largely a mystery, especially to her, but even to Jimmy. He hadn’t yet confided in either of them the events leading up to him showing up broken and battered on their doorstep. It could prove interesting to see how he acted when Jimmy wasn’t around. 

When she unlocked the door, she found Jesse sitting on the couch—knees pulled into his chest, deer in the headlights expression in his wet and bloodshot eyes. The Food Network was playing at an imperceptible volume on the TV, but Kim doubted it was Bobby Flay who’d brought Jesse to tears. He quickly wiped his eyes on his sleeve and cleared his throat. “Sorry, I didn’t know when you’d be home.” 

Kim closed the door behind her and put her keys down on the kitchen counter. “You don’t need to apologize,” she said. She knew she should probably let Jesse pretend to pull himself together and leave it at that. But she couldn’t help but prod, just a little bit. “Do you want to talk about it?” When he didn’t immediately shut her down, she knew she had an in, as long as she played her cards right. “I’m a neutral third party here. I know it might be hard to talk with Jimmy about some of this stuff, since he was there, but you know you can always talk to me.”

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t want to bother you.” 

She stepped closer to the couch. “You won’t be bothering me. I want to help.” 

His shoulders shook almost imperceptibly as he tried to keep the lid on his personal Pandora’s box of emotions. “I… I can’t…” 

She sat down on the other end of the couch, making sure to give him as much room as he needed. “Jesse,” she said softly. “Tell me what happened.” 

He shook his head, staring down at his knees, and Kim could see his whole body tense up. “Kim…” he let her name slip past his lips. “I just… they… Mr. White…”

She moved closer to him on the couch, almost touching his shoulder with her hand but catching herself just in time. “It’s okay. You’re safe here.” 

“We almost had him. Me and his brother-in-law—one of the cops they found in that hole. But then he fucking… he fucking sent these Nazi motherfuckers to kill us. To kill _me_. He fucking paid them to kill me. And then he… he could have let me get away. But he didn’t. He told them where I was hiding and he just fucking let them _take _me.”__

__Kim lowered her hand onto his shoulder now, feeling him jump at the unexpected contact._ _

__“They kept me in a hole in the ground. Then they chained me up and fucking made me cook for them. They beat the shit out of me. But I guess you could guess that much.” He looked up at Kim, serving as a visual reminder of his scarred face. “You… you remember hearing about a woman getting shot outside her home in Albuquerque a few months back. Andrea?”_ _

__Kim could feel him shaking under her hand. “Yes. I think so.”_ _

__“I loved her. I loved her, so they killed her. They fucking shot her right in front of me. And it’s my fault. I tried to escape. I—I killed her.” Jesse took in a sharp breath and let it out as a choked sob._ _

__Kim’s mind raced. She felt like she should tell Jesse that it wasn’t his fault. But from the little time she had known him, she could tell that wouldn’t work here. So instead she drew herself closer to him and tightened her grip on his shoulder._ _

__“Then Mr. White. I don’t know how or why but he fucking… he came back for me. I don’t know if he really came back for _me_ , or if he just wanted to kill those Nazi fuckers. But like, why would he? He paid them to kill me, so why would he want them dead and me alive? I thought maybe he was pissed at them for stealing his recipe. You know, the meth. And then when he saw I was still alive, I thought he’d be pissed at them for not killing me. But then he just fucking threw himself at me. He laid on top of me and shielded me from the bullets while everyone just fucking died all around us. He got hit. He took a bullet for me. He wanted me to kill him, but I couldn’t do it. And he just let me go. He fucking bled out there in that meth lab.” _ _

__Jesse turned to Kim now, eyes brimming with tears, grappling for anything to ground him. She met his gaze with soft eyes, which was enough of an invitation for Jesse to throw himself forward and sink into her. He buried his face in her shoulder and wrapped his arms around her torso. She could feel his hot tears soaking into the fabric of her shirt, so she placed a hand on his back and starting rubbing comforting circles over it. “You’re safe now, Jesse.”_ _

__“Why? After all that, why’d he come back for me? Why would he save me?” Jesse sobbed._ _

__“Well, I never knew him,” Kim began carefully, “but from what Jimmy’s told me, I think somewhere deep down, he cared about you.”_ _

__Jesse snorted back the snot that threatened to spill out onto Kim’s shirt. “Great. The only person who ever fucking cared about me was a psychopath drug-lord murderer. And now he’s dead.”_ _

__Kim had the urge to assure Jesse that plenty of people cared about him, but she knew that wasn’t quite true. Jimmy loved him, but that wasn’t hers to tell. And maybe, in this moment, she loved him too, but she hardly knew the man in her arms, and the last thing he needed was more false promises. So instead she just held him tighter, moving her other hand up to cradle his head while he cried._ _

__It was at that moment that Jimmy opened the door. He stood there, frozen as he tried to make sense of the scene in front of him. So, fifteen minutes alone with Kim was all it took for Jesse to break. “Hope I’m not interrupting anything…” he said, shutting the door at last._ _

__Jesse lifted his head and wiped at his eyes, as if he could somehow erase the evidence of his tears. He yanked himself from Kim’s embrace, and stared up at Jimmy, guilt written all over his face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to—”_ _

__“You’re okay, Jesse. Everything’s okay here. You’re safe with us,” Jimmy assured, hoping that Jesse would somehow understand the implicit meaning of his words—that Jesse could have anything with them. Jesse could have him, Jesse could have Kim, they could be a family all of their own, and they’d never let anyone hurt him ever again._ _

__“I gotta piss,” said Jesse, getting up from the couch and making his escape from the room without looking either Kim or Jimmy in the eye again._ _

__Jimmy sighed and sat down next to Kim on the couch. “Did he tell you what happened?” he asked once he heard the bathroom door slam shut._ _

__Kim nodded. “I’ll tell you later. He could really use our help, though. He needs to know he’s worth something, that someone cares about him.”_ _

__Jimmy felt embarrassment rising on his face. “What? You think I should tell him?”_ _

__“Maybe not directly. But at least try to let him know. Do you know if he even…?”_ _

__It took Jimmy a second to catch Kim’s drift, but when he did, he felt his cheeks grow hot. “Oh, uh, I don’t know. I mean, I only ever heard about girlfriends, but that doesn’t necessarily mean anything, obviously.”_ _

__Kim rested her head on Jimmy’s shoulder and twined their fingers together. “It’s gonna be okay, Jimmy. We’ll get him through this. He’s not going anywhere.”_ _

__“What makes you so sure?”_ _

__“He got out of a really bad situation, and you’re the person he came to. He could have gone anywhere, but he came to find you. That means something.”_ _

__He nodded and squeezed Kim’s hand. The two sat in silence for a while, watching the Food Network dance in front of them._ _

__“I’m gonna go check on him,” Jimmy decided at the commercial break. When Jesse had first come to live with them, he’d made sure to remove all medications and anything dangerously sharp from the bathroom, but he could never quite shake the fear that he’d find Jesse dead one morning._ _

__Kim nodded and let go of Jimmy, who stood and made his way down the hall. When he got close enough, he could hear Jesse’s muffled sobs through the door. He knocked. “Jesse? You alright?”_ _

__“Fine,” came a voice thick and ragged from crying._ _

__“Jesse… you don’t have to go through this alone. Let us help you.”_ _

__“I told you. I’m fine.”_ _

__“We don’t have to talk about anything. Just come on out… or at least let me in.”_ _

__“It’s not locked,” came Jesse’s reply after a few seconds._ _

__Jimmy felt himself relax a bit at that and took a moment to collect himself before turning the knob and going inside. Jesse was sitting on the edge of the bathtub, face wet, eyes bloodshot, snot dripping from his nose. Jimmy tore off a piece of toilet paper and handed it to him. Jesse wiped at his eyes and blew his nose. “Thanks.”_ _

__“No problem, kid. You wanna tell me what’s going on?”_ _

__At that, Jesse broke down again, hiding his face in hands. Jimmy felt his heartrate pick up. He couldn’t stand to see the poor kid in pain like this. Following his instincts, he sat down on the tub next to Jesse and placed a comforting hand on his back. “Hey, it’s alright.”_ _

__“Saul… it’s just… My whole life’s fucking ruined. I don’t know what to do anymore.”_ _

__“Hey, no. Jesse, come here.” Jimmy held his arms open until Jesse leaned into him and let himself be held._ _

__“I just…” he mumbled into Jimmy’s shoulder, “I should have died with Mr. White.”_ _

__Jimmy was far too taken aback to think of anything to say, so he just sat there and held Jesse while he cried, until he knew what to say. “No. You don’t deserve that. You deserve to be safe and happy and loved.”_ _

__“Why? No one gives a shit about me.”_ _

__“I do.”_ _

__Jesse removed his face from Jimmy’s shoulder and looked up at him like he’d just spoken something completely unintelligible. “What?”_ _

__“I give a shit about you, Jesse. I give lots of shits about you. I thought you were dead for almost half a year, and when you showed up at my doorstep, I just… Jesus, Jesse. After all we’ve been through, did you really think I didn’t care about you?”_ _

__Jesse just stared at him like he had the meaning of life scrawled in fine print on his face. Jimmy stared back, his eyes unconsciously flickering to Jesse’s lips. The silence was deafening, and the space between them was at the same time inches and oceans wide. Jimmy leaned in closer, just a fraction of an inch, then stopped to see how Jesse would react._ _

__The younger man leaned in too, but not enough to bridge the gap. Their blue eyes were locked intensely on one other, trying to wordlessly communicate, each desperately hoping not to misread the other. They both leaned forward again, and this time it was enough._ _

__Their lips met, tentatively a first, just a feather-light brush. Jesse pulled away too quickly and shook his head, closing his eyes. “Sorry. I just… fuck.”_ _

__“It’s okay,” Jimmy assured in the softest voice he was capable of._ _

__Jesse looked back up at him. “What about Kim?”_ _

__“Don’t worry about her.”_ _

__“But she’s like… your girlfriend.”_ _

__“She won’t mind. I promise.”_ _

__“How do you know that?” asked Jesse._ _

__“We may have… talked about it,” Jimmy admitted._ _

__“You talked to her about kissing me?”_ _

__“…Yeah.”_ _

__Jesse furrowed his brow. “Why?”_ _

__“’Cause I’ve wanted to. For a long time.”_ _

__“How long?” Jesse asked._ _

__“Remember when you had me in front of that ditch in the desert and you took your ski mask off?”_ _

__“Jesus Christ, I’d just fucking kidnapped you. You thought I was going to kill you.”_ _

__Jimmy shrugged. “What can I say? I’m a masochist.”_ _

__Jesse looked down at the floor and was silent for a moment. “Wanna do it again?” he finally asked, in a voice so soft Jimmy could hardly be sure he’d heard it._ _

__“Do what again?”_ _

__Jesse turned to look him in the eye. “You know, kiss.”_ _

__Jimmy nodded. “If that’s okay?”_ _

__Jesse nodded back, and Jimmy cupped his cheek in his hand before gently guiding their lips together again. Jesse tensed up at first, but this time he relaxed into it and let himself get lost in Jimmy—the surprisingly soft feel of his lips, the warmth of his breath, the lingering scent of cinnamon—it was the most comfort Jesse had felt in longer than he could remember._ _

__The kiss was soft and chaste, but when they pulled apart they were both breathless._ _

__“We should probably, like, get out of the bathroom,” said Jesse after a moment of staring at each other in reverent disbelief. Jimmy nodded and stood up. Jesse lifted himself up and stuck his hands in his pockets, staring at the floor._ _

__“Yeah, let’s go get some dinner, okay?” Jimmy stood up patted Jesse on the shoulder, a gesture which felt oddly cold compared to what had just transpired between them._ _

__“Yeah,” Jesse agreed, still not looking up. “Food Network’s been making me hungry all day, man.”_ _

__

__After dinner, when Kim and Jimmy had retired back to the bedroom and shut the door, Jimmy sat down on the bed, ran his hands over his face, and looked up at her. “We kissed.”_ _

__Kim’s eyebrows climbed up her forehead as she processed the information. “Oh?”_ _

__“I told him I cared about him and it just kinda… happened.”_ _

__She took a seat on the bed next to him and ran her fingers gently over his hand. “Is he okay?”_ _

__“Yeah… I think so.”_ _

__“And you?”_ _

__“Yeah… you?”_ _

__Kim nodded. “I’m okay. I’ll admit, I’m a little nervous that I don’t know where this is headed, but we’ll figure it out.”_ _

__Jimmy gave her a tender, bittersweet smile. “I love you. You know that, right?”_ _

__Kim pressed a kiss to Jimmy’s lips. “I know.”_ _


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jimmy and Jesse spend some time alone together.

The next morning, Kim and Jimmy awoke to the smell of chocolate chip pancakes wafting in from the kitchen. Jimmy turned to look at the clock: 7:00 AM. “Jesus,” he muttered. “Kid’s dedicated.” 

They dragged themselves out of bed and met Jesse in the kitchen. “Hey, uh, sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you up. Just thought I’d have breakfast ready for you when you leave.” 

“Christ, what time did you get up?” Jimmy asked. 

“I didn’t…” Jesse admitted. “Couldn’t sleep last night, so like, I figured I might as well do something.” 

“Well, remind me to pencil you in for the best roommate award.”

“Hey, what about me?” asked Kim. 

“You don’t count. You’re sleeping with me; that’s an unfair advantage,” said Jimmy. “I gotta go take a shower and get ready for work, but I’ll come eat with you when I’m done, okay?” 

“Yeah, no problem,” said Jesse, flipping the pancake he was working on. 

Once she heard the shower turn on, Kim leaned up against the fridge and faced Jesse, who kept his eyes on his cooking. After a moment he looked over at her. “How many d’you want?” 

“I’ll have two,” she said, then added, “I hope you’re not doing this because you feel guilty about last night.” 

Jesse looked up at her and furrowed his brow. She was just talking about him breaking down in front of her, right? But why should he feel _guilty_ about that? She couldn’t possibly mean… “Jesus Christ, he _told_ you?” 

“Did you think he wouldn’t?” 

Jesse looked down into the frying pan. “No… but I hoped.” 

“He told you it’s fine with me, right?” she asked. Jesse nodded. “I mean, we’ll have to work something out in the long run, but for now, anything goes.” 

Jesse looked back up, even more confused than before. “You want me to fuck your boyfriend?” 

“I want Jimmy to be happy. You make him happy.” 

“And you’re just okay with that? What, like, he can sleep with whoever he wants, as long as it makes him happy?”

“I wouldn’t say that to anyone else. I trust you, Jesse. I think you’d be good for him.” 

“Uh… thanks? I guess.” He poured more batter in the pan, avoiding eye contact at all costs. Jesus, this had to be the most uncomfortable conversation he’d ever had—and he’d tried to compliment Mrs. White’s Albertson’s green beans. 

“Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay? This is all up to you. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I’m okay with this,” said Kim. 

Jesse looked back up at her. “Why do you trust me?” 

“I know you might not believe it, but you’re a good person, Jesse. Jimmy wouldn’t like you as much as he does if you weren’t,” she disclosed. 

They stared at one another for a moment before their gaze was broken by the sound of the bathroom door opening. Jesse flipped the pancake, which was a little burnt by now. “So, uh, grab a plate, I guess,” he murmured. 

The tension in the room was palpable as the three of them ate. Kim tried to fill the empty space by complimenting Jesse’s cooking and asking him about his recipe and his chocolate chip to batter ratio. Jimmy kept his mouth full of pancake at all times to avoid talking. Jesse, remembering all too well the last time he had shared a tense meal with a couple, hid behind his mug of hot chocolate. 

When at last Kim and Jimmy both left for work, Jesse finally felt as though he could breathe again. He took his time cleaning up the kitchen, anything to keep his mind from wandering back to last night and wondering what would happen tonight. 

It wasn’t as though he didn’t like Saul—or Jimmy, or whoever he was supposed to be now. He’d always admired the lawyer, in a way that had taken him a long time to accept was more than strictly platonic. Throughout this whole ordeal, even though Saul had always ultimately looked out for himself, he did seem to have genuine concern for Jesse’s wellbeing. And the genuine concern of others had always been in such short supply for Jesse. 

He remembered the cactus Saul had brought him as a housewarming gift, he remembered Saul visiting him in the hospital whenever he’d get the shit kicked out of him, he remembered when Saul had harbored him at his laser tag place to throw Mike and Gus off his tail, he remembered how Saul would let him ride with him when he’d go to drop off checks for Andrea and Brock, he remembered Saul coming over to his house after Mike had disappeared and giving him a gun to protect himself against Walt, and he remembered the look in Saul’s eyes when he thought he was sending Jesse off on his way to Alaska. And then he remembered the blood streaming down Saul’s face after he’d hit him. 

Jesse steered his mind far away from that path. No, he definitely liked Saul, and his heart raced at the thought of being with one of the only people on Earth who could ever truly know what he’d been through, but the only problem was Kim. As much as she said it was okay, he knew it wasn’t; it couldn’t be. 

There was no way sleeping with someone else’s boyfriend could end well. Eventually she’d get jealous or tired and tell Jimmy he had to choose, and there was no way Jesse would win that contest. Kim had everything, a well-paying job, a clean criminal record, an identity she could actually use without being tracked down by the police, a face that wasn’t fucked up and covered in scars, and Jimmy had been in love with her for nearly a decade. There wasn’t even any question that she was the better choice for him.

And where did that leave Jesse? Out on the streets again? Or just forever the painfully awkward third-wheel that had once almost derailed their relationship? Why did Jimmy even want to kiss him anyway? If Jesse was sure of one thing, it was that he wasn’t worth compromising a relationship with someone like Kim.

But, even with all of this in mind, why did he still hope Jimmy would come back and want to kiss him again? Why—despite everything telling him this was going to end up as a horrible, messy, potentially deadly mistake—did he still want to go out on a limb and take what life was offering him? He shook his head to himself; why could he never learn? 

Later that evening, Jesse was startled from his daydreaming by the sound of a key turning in the lock. Either Kim or Jimmy was home, and at this point, he wasn’t sure whose presence would be least uncomfortable. 

“Hi, Jesse,” came the familiar voice of the unfamiliar man—slumped over, hiding behind his glasses, disguised by his mustache. 

“Hey,” Jesse replied, briefly making eye contact before flitting his gaze back to a blank spot on the wall, near the floor. 

“How was your day?” asked Jimmy, leaving his keys on the kitchen counter and coming to stand next to the couch. 

Jesse shrugged. “Alright. I didn’t really do anything. You?” 

Jimmy sighed noncommittally and flopped down onto the couch, as far away from Jesse as he could. “Shitty as usual. Nothing worth mentioning.” Then, after a moment of silence. “You wanna talk about last night?” 

Jesse bit nervously at a hangnail. “I guess we probably should.” 

“We don’t have to if you don’t want to. Just say the word and we can drop the whole thing, like it never even happened,” Jimmy replied, hoping Jesse couldn’t hear the strain of dread in his voice. 

“I don’t regret it… if that’s what you’re asking,” said Jesse, still unable to make eye contact. 

“Me neither, kid. But I’m sure you knew that.” 

Jesse was sorting through his thoughts, looking for the right thing to say, when Jimmy’s cell phone rang, startling them both.

After a brief conversation, Jimmy closed the phone and glanced over to Jesse, who was looking at him questioningly. “That was Kim. She said she had to stay late at the office to work on a case tonight. She won’t be home for a few hours.” He debated telling Jesse what that really meant, that Kim was trying to give him time alone with Jesse to work this all out, but he didn’t want to add any more levels of complication to the equation. 

“What’s her, like… deal? Why is she so cool about us?” Jesse wondered out loud. 

Jimmy shrugged. “I’m a bit confused there myself, to tell you the truth. I think she feels bad sometimes that she doesn’t know what we’ve been through, that she never knew Saul. I guess she thinks you could give me what she can’t. She thinks we’d be good for each other.” 

Jesse dared to flit his eyes over towards Jimmy. “Do you?” 

“I do,” Jimmy replied softly, after a moment.

Emboldened, Jesse turned on the couch to face Jimmy, his movement causing their knees to brush against one another. “So, is this, like, a thing now? We can just, like, kiss and stuff?” he asked, feeling as though he was about to implode on himself from the raw embarrassment of it all. 

“Do you want that?” Jimmy asked. 

“Yeah…” Jesse let the word softly slip past his lips. 

“Then, yeah,” Jimmy couldn’t contain the grin that tugged at the corners of his mouth. “Let’s try that.” 

“…Cool,” said Jesse, finally looking up at him and holding eye contact for more than half a second. 

They sat in warm, if not slightly uncomfortable silence, for a moment before Jimmy spoke up. “You wanna go lay down?” Then, off of the brief look of anxiety that flitted across Jesse’s face, “Not for anything like that, just might be more comfortable than sitting here.” 

Jesse nodded and let Jimmy lead him into the bedroom. When he crossed the threshold, his footfalls became soft and unsure, as if the floor might crumble away beneath him. Jimmy’s bedroom had always seemed strictly off-limits to him. This is where Jimmy was with Kim, not with him. He felt like he was invading some deeply personal aspect of their lives. 

Jimmy sat down on the bed and kicked off his shoes. Jesse stood a few steps from the doorway, biting his nails. Jimmy couldn’t help but be reminded of a younger version of himself, never feeling like he deserved the beds he was invited into. Truth be told, he’d never stopped feeling like that. He’d been able to mask it as Saul. He had kept up the facade of his own effortless confidence so seamlessly, that for a time, even he himself had believed it. But Jimmy McGill had still always been there, just under the surface. And now, with all pretenses dropped, despite the fact that they remained fully clothed, Jimmy couldn’t shake the feeling that he and Jesse were seeing each other naked for the first time. 

Wordlessly, Jimmy patted a spot on the bed, and Jesse stepped forward and sank down next to him. Content that Jesse wasn’t going to run, Jimmy slid back farther onto the bed and settled himself into a laying position, leaving half of the bed open for Jesse to do the same. 

After a moment’s hesitation, Jesse lay down, stiff as a board, still not allowing his muscles to relax into the mattress. They took in the sight of each other’s faces for a moment before Jimmy said softly, “You wanna…?” 

Jesse nodded, and inched himself closer to Jimmy. Their lips met softly this time, and they only stayed for a moment before breaking apart to gauge one another’s reaction. Finding nothing in each other’s eyes but gentle trepidation, they came together again, this time for longer. 

As their lips cautiously intermingled, Jesse’s fists tightened around the back of Jimmy’s shirt, and Jimmy brought his hand up to stroke his thumb across Jesse’s cheek. There, he could feel the scars that ran across the younger man’s face, and couldn’t help the pang of guilt that shot through his chest. 

“Sorry about… what happened to you,” he murmured when they pulled apart.

“Why should you be sorry?” Jesse asked. “You didn’t do this to me.” 

“Yeah, but I’m the reason you met the jackasses who did. If I hadn’t have hooked you up with Vamanos…”

“You didn’t know,” said Jesse. “I’m the one who’s sorry. It’s my fault you met Mr. White. If I hadn’t told him to use you as Badger’s lawyer after he got busted—”

“Hey, none of this is your fault, Jesse. I had it coming. This is what happens when you choose to be the kind of lawyer I was. Or worse. I got lucky. I’m sorry I let you get so wrapped up in all this.” 

“I was involved way before you,” Jesse reminded him. “Mr. White’s the one who fucked me over.” 

“Yeah, but I saw what he was doing to you, and I did nothing to stop it; hell, I encouraged it. I feel like that asshole who knew his buddy was beating his wife and never said anything about it.” 

“It’s okay… you had to look out for yourself. He could have done the same to you.” 

At the sight of the raw, vulnerable look in Jimmy’s eyes, Jesse leaned in and kissed him again, as if hoping that this moment could overtake and erase the memories of everything that had happened to them the past two years. When Jimmy reciprocated, Jesse deepened the kiss, gently parting the other man’s lips with his tongue, which Jimmy gladly yielded to. 

They kept up this gentle rhythm for a while, neither of them pressing for more than what they had in that moment. Their bodies came together, instinctively seeking heat and comfort. Jesse slipped one of his legs between Jimmy’s knees and pulled them closer together. Jimmy was fairly certain he could feel Jesse’s erection pressed against his thigh, and he was willing to bet Jesse could feel his too. 

Jimmy pulled back to catch his breath. “Christ, kid. You’re gonna be the death of me.” 

“You wanna stop?” Jesse asked, suddenly nervous he was taking this too for. 

“Hell no,” said Jimmy with a grin. 

Their lips locked together again, and Jimmy took his time enjoying the sensations of caressing Jesse’s body, the body he’d longed to be able to touch for years now. He ran his fingers through Jesse’s hair, down the back of his neck, over his shoulder blades, and down his arm. When he went to run his hand back up Jesse’s side, he noticed how prominently he could feel the younger man’s ribs. He pulled back, and they exchanged a knowing look. 

“Can I see?” Jimmy asked in little more than a whisper. 

Jesse shook his head. “I don’t think you want to.”

“We won’t do anything you don’t want to do; I just want to see,” Jimmy assured. 

Jesse swallowed back the nervous lump in his throat and nodded, sitting up and helping Jimmy pull off the long-sleeve shirt that hung loosely around his gaunt frame. Jimmy couldn’t help but take in a sharp breath at the sight. He couldn’t imagine how anyone could do this to Jesse, how anyone could starve him so his bones jutted out like this, how anyone could have left the bruises that still showed as swaths of purple and yellow across his ribs. 

“I’m sorry. I know I’m disgusting,” said Jesse in a choked off whisper that shattered Jimmy’s heart.

“No, no, Jesse. Come here,” he said, letting the younger man collapse into his arms. “The only thing that’s disgusting is that this happened to you. There is nothing wrong with you.” He pressed a kiss into the corner of Jesse’s mouth, wishing he could do something more, something to make all the kid’s pain go away. 

Jesse pulled back to look him in the eye. “You really still want me after seeing me like this?” 

“Of course I do,” said Jimmy. “Lay down, kid.” Jesse laid back down on the bed and watched with rapt fascination as Jimmy bent over him and started pressing kisses into his exposed torso, careful to avoid the bruises. “Is this okay?” Jimmy asked after a second. Jesse nodded and melted into the bed as Jimmy continued to lavish him in soft kisses, all across his ribs, stomach, and chest, up to his neck, and even down his arms, all the way to the scars from the shackles on his wrists. Jesse couldn’t remember a time when someone had been so gentle with him. 

When Jimmy was through, he came back up to lay next to Jesse and stroked a hand though his hair. Jesse turned onto his side to face him, and they kissed again at a languid pace, their hips lazily rolling against each other, finding comfort in the friction. They broke apart for breath after a few minutes and just laid there together, comforted by the fact that what they were feeling for each other was finally okay. 

“This is nice,” Jesse murmured, voice thick with contentment, cuddling into Jimmy’s side. “I kinda wanna fall asleep like this.”

“You can,” Jimmy offered, wrapping a secure arm around him. Then, with a slight chuckle, “Wouldn’t be the first time we’ve done this.” 

Jesse closed his eyes and nuzzled into Jimmy’s chest. “It’s been so long since I actually felt… _good._ Thank you.” 

“As I said, kid, anything for you.” 

 

Darkness had fallen over the little apartment by the time Kim got home an hour later. Upon opening the front door, the apartment seemed to be empty, but Jimmy’s car was in the parking lot and his keys were on the counter. Following a hunch, she stepped into the bedroom and turned on the light. 

Jimmy opened his eyes, and Jesse startled awake. In rapid succession, he processed that a) he was in Jimmy’s bed, b) Kim was standing in the doorway, and c) he was still shirtless, his emaciated form in full view. Jesse scrambled to grab a corner of the bedsheet to cover himself. “Sorry.” 

“It’s alright, Jesse,” Kim reassured, her heart breaking at the realization that Jesse felt guilty about letting other people see that he was hurt. 

Jimmy then reached over and laced his fingers together with Jesse’s, an unspoken cue to Kim of their progress. He stroked his thumb over Jesse’s hand, hoping to wordlessly reassure him that he had nothing to be ashamed of here, that they were all three in this together. Kim could hardly remember a time she had seen two people look so open and vulnerable before her, as if their hearts were completely at her mercy. 

“Mind if I sit down?” she asked. 

“Go ahead,” said Jimmy, scooting over toward Jesse’s side of the bed, allowing more room for Kim to sit down and kick off her heels. “How was work?” 

“Long,” she sighed, allowing herself to lay back against the pillows. “It’s so nice to finally be home.” After a moment, she took hold of Jimmy’s free hand in her own, and Jimmy just lay there, holding the hands of the two people he loved most in the universe. He felt like an ocean between two shorelines; he could feel their energies running through him. But mostly he was consumed by the bittersweet feeling that for once in his life, he was home.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kim, Jimmy, and Jesse make some momentous decisions. And there is finally some sex.

They carried on like that for the rest of the week. Jimmy and Jesse sharing a fumbling closeness, while Kim watched supportively from the sidelines. Jesse always shot her an awkward, apologetic look whenever Jimmy would outwardly display any affection to him, but she always just returned a reassuring smile. It was actually staring to freak him out how well this seemed to be going. He knew there had to be something looming in the future to make this all go to shit. Good things weren’t allowed to happen to him for this long.

“How’s he doing?” Kim asked Jimmy as they laid in bed together one night. 

“Good, I guess. I mean, as good as anyone could be when they’re shacking up with someone else’s boyfriend.”

“And how are _you_ doing?” she asked, propping herself up on one elbow.

“Hell if I know. I… I really like him, you know? And I don’t want him to end up getting hurt. There’s no way this is gonna end well,” said Jimmy, burying the side of his head into the pillow. 

“And why’s that?”

“You’re kidding me, right? I’m with you, Kim. You moved your whole law practice out here to be with me. How is that even a choice?” 

“Jimmy, you don’t have to choose. At least not for my sake.”

“What?” Jimmy stuck his head up. “What are you getting at here?”

“I’m saying you could be with both of us. It depends on what Jesse wants, of course, but we could all be in this together.”

“You’d want that? You’d want an arrangement like that—” he waved his hands around in the air, as if trying to materialize the concept, “—with Jesse?” 

“I think we could make it work,” said Kim. “It felt nice, lying on the bed with the two of you.” 

“Yeah,” said Jimmy, relaxing and nestling in closer to her side. “Real nice.” 

“Is that something you’d want?” she asked, running her fingers through his hair. 

He nodded, feeling an indescribable warmth just at the thought of it. But he couldn’t afford to let himself get his hopes up. “Just not sure how the kid’s gonna react. I’ll talk to him about it tomorrow.” 

 

Jimmy couldn’t sleep that night. He was staring at the clock long after Kim was snoring softly beside him. 1:46 AM. He sighed and threw off the covers. 

After getting up and using the restroom, he meandered towards the living room where he could hear the softly garbled sounds of a television set to nearly the lowest volume, and could see light dancing off the otherwise darkened walls as images flashed on the screen. “Hey, kid. Room for me?” he asked. 

Jesse turned to him, then scooted over to make room on the couch. “You’re up late. Kim kick you out or something?”

“No, just couldn’t sleep,” he replied, settling in next to Jesse. After a moment, he slung his arm around the younger man’s shoulder, prompting Jesse to grab his hand and squeeze anxiously at Jimmy’s fingers. 

“Hey, can I, uh, talk to you about something?” Jesse asked, avoiding eye contact by continuing the watch the migrating flamingos on the screen. 

“Of course, anything,” said Jimmy, his heartrate picking up nonetheless. 

Now, Jesse turned to him. “It’s just… I like this—I like _you_ —a lot. I just… don’t know where this is going, you know? And it’s kinda like scary, waking up every morning not know if it’s gonna be the last one I get to do this with you. And I know that’s selfish and shit. It’s just… I don’t know how much longer I can do this.”

Jimmy’s heart absolutely broke at the look in Jesse’s eyes. “Oh, kid. Jesus. I didn’t know,” he said, reaching out to run his hand down the side of Jesse’s face. 

“I know you can’t chose me over Kim, and I don’t even like, want you to. You deserve to be with someone like her,” said Jesse, trying to fight back the tears threatening to form in his eyes. 

“Jesse, before you say anything else, there’s something I want to talk to you about too.” 

“What? You’re like, dumping me before I can dump you?” asked Jesse, pulling away a little but still not letting go of Jimmy’s hand. 

“No, no. The opposite, really,” said Jimmy. Jesse looked at him quizzically now. “I talked with Kim earlier tonight. And we, uh, have a proposal for you.”

“A proposal?”

“We wanted to know how you’d feel about… joining us.” 

Jesse’s brows knitted together. “What, for like a threesome?” 

“No—well, yes—but more than that. To be part of the relationship. All three of us, together.” 

“She’s cool with that?” Jesse asked, still not allowing himself to believe he was hearing this right. 

“Actually, it was her idea,” Jimmy admitted. 

“Wow… shit, man,” said Jesse, idly rubbing the back of his neck. 

“I know it’s a lot to think about. Don’t feel any pressure to answer now. And don’t feel any pressure to say yes either. Even if you say no, it doesn’t mean what we have is over. We can figure something out.” 

“No, I, uh… I want it,” said Jesse, feeling his heartrate pick up as he finally tossed the rest of his inhibitions to the curb.

“You sure you don’t need some more time to think?” Jimmy asked. “Don’t rush into this on my account, okay?” 

“No, I know I want it… I mean it’s not like I haven’t thought about it before,” Jesse admitted, looking down at the couch. “Not like, a lot, because I didn’t think it could ever really happen. But yeah.” He looked back up, earnest blue eye’s meeting Jimmy’s. “Yeah, I’m down.” 

Jimmy couldn’t contain his grin as he pressed his palm to Jesse’s back and pulled him in for a kiss. It was meant to be quick, congratulatory, but it soon melted into something deeper. Their lips moved together slowly. Jesse’s hands found their way to Jimmy’s chest, and Jimmy rested his free hand on Jesse’s leg and rubbed his thumb across his inner thigh. 

Jesse pulled away, shuddering with desire. “Fuck, Jimmy. I want you…”

“Right—right now?” Jimmy asked, pupils blown wide. As close as they’d gotten, they’d never actually had sex. That had seemed to be an unspoken boundary in their arrangement, but now…

Jesse nodded desperately. 

“Fuck,” Jimmy breathed out, palming this now throbbing cock through his boxers. 

At the sight of that, Jesse scrambled off of the couch and knelt down on the floor between Jimmy’s legs. “Can I?” he asked. 

“You wanna?” Jimmy asked, still somewhat incredulous that Jesse really wanted him. 

Jesse just nodded, reached for the waistband of Jimmy’s boxers, and pulled them down, revealing the older man’s stiff cock. He stared at it for a moment. “I always sorta had this weird fantasy of blowing you under your desk back in your office,” he divulged, but before Jimmy could formulate a response, Jesse had his lips around the head of his cock. 

“Oh, Jesus fuck, kid,” Jimmy breathed out. “Christ, you’re good.” 

The sounds coming from Jimmy’s mouth and the warm weight of the throbbing cock on his tongue spurred Jesse on further, compelling him to swallow Jimmy’s cock to the hilt. He moved his head up and down Jimmy’s length, trying to maintain eye contact as much as possible. But soon Jimmy screwed his eyes shut and leaned his head against the back of the couch. 

When he felt himself getting close, Jimmy sat back up and put his hands on Jesse’s shoulders to gently pull him off. He wasn’t ready for this to be over yet. When Jesse looked up at him—lips red and slick, eyes watering from gagging himself—Jimmy couldn’t help but take the younger man’s face in his hands and kiss him. 

“Was that good?” Jesse asked once they broke apart. 

“Good? That was great. Had to stop myself from blowing my load in your mouth,” he said with a chuckle. 

“You can,” said Jesse, looking up at Jimmy with the most earnest expression he’d ever seen. “I don’t mind.”

Jimmy’s cock throbbed at the thought. “That’s a tempting offer, but I’m not done with you yet. Get back up here.” 

Jesse stood up and sat back down on the couch where Jimmy could see his erection straining against the front of his skull print pajama pants. “May I?” Jimmy asked, hovering his hand above the bulge. 

Jesse nodded and shivered in anticipation. “Yeah, man. Just take me; I’m yours.” 

Jimmy brought his hand down and fondled Jesse through his pants until the younger man let out a soft moan. He then stuck his fingers in the waistbands of both Jesse’s pants and boxers and pulled them down in one fluid motion. 

Jesse’s cock sprung free, and Jimmy took it into his calloused but gentle hand, stroking it slowly, relishing the feeling of it growing harder under his touch. Jesse took in a sharp breath. “Oh god,” he murmured. 

A smirk tugging at his lips, Jimmy positioned himself on the couch so he could lay between Jesse’s legs. He then leaned down and took Jesse’s cock into his mouth, his hand and lips sliding up and down the shaft in unison. Jesse let out a low moan and bucked his hips up into the sensation. Jimmy didn’t even gag, just let Jesse bury himself deep in his throat. 

Jesse blindly gripped at the couch, anything to keep him tethered to reality in the midst of so much sensation. He couldn’t remember the last time a mouth had felt so good around him. “Fuck, Jimmy. How’d you get so good at this?” 

Jimmy took Jesse’s length out of his mouth and grinned up at him, lips red and glistening with saliva. “Let’s just say, Slippin’ Jimmy was notorious for his BJ skills back in Cicero.” 

“Slippin’ Jimmy?” 

“A story for another time, kid,” the other man replied, and went back down onto Jesse’s cock, making any other questions he may have had die in his throat. 

After a few more minutes of Jimmy’s expert ministrations, Jesse was barely holding on. “Oh fuck—Saul, I’m gonna—” 

Jimmy quickly pulled off and rubbed encouraging circles against Jesse’s inner thigh with his thumb. “It’s alright, Jesse. Come for me,” he said, and immediately went back to sucking and stroking. It wasn’t much longer before he heard the choked off moan and felt the bitter warmth fill his mouth. He swallowed it down, savoring every last drop, still in disbelief that he got the privilege of doing this with Jesse. 

When Jesse’s moans subsided, Jimmy pulled off and looked up at him, waiting for a reaction. Jesse took in the sight of Jimmy’s earnest blue eyes and immediately pulled him in for a crushing kiss, not caring that he could still taste himself on the other man’s lips. When he pulled back, Jesse had tears in his eyes. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had made him feel so good, so secure, so loved. It was as if in this moment he could finally let out the breath he’d been holding ever since he teamed up with Walter White. “Jesus, Saul. I love you,” he breathed out. 

Then, at the stunned look in the other man’s eyes, Jesse realized what he’d let slip out. “Fuck. Sorry, I didn’t—”

Jimmy just pressed their lips together again and ran his hand gently through Jesse’s hair. After a moment, he broke the kiss, but stayed close enough that their noses nearly touched. “It’s okay, kid. I love you too.” 

In collective relief and disbelief, they collapsed together on the couch, kissing and touching wherever they could. After a few minutes, Jesse processed that Jimmy was still hard against his thigh. He reached down and took him in his hand, stroking him until he was uncontrollably thrusting his hips and moaning against Jesse’s neck. 

“I’m gonna come on you,” Jimmy warned. 

“Do it,” said Jesse, pulling up his shirt so Jimmy would spill himself over his bare stomach instead. He sped up his strokes until Jimmy was groaning deep in the back of his throat and wetness was dripping in thick streams down Jesse’s hand and spattering across his stomach. 

They lay there together for a little while longer, exhausted and satiated, enjoying the sounds of each other’s contented breathing. “I should probably go clean up,” said Jesse, breaking the silence. 

“Yeah, me too,” said Jimmy, attempting to get up from the couch without getting his cum on anything else. 

“Hey, sorry for calling you Saul,” said Jesse. “Just slips out sometimes.” 

Jimmy brushed it off with a wave of his hand. “Don’t worry about it. Actually, I kinda like it sometimes.” 

Jesse grinned, remembering their glory days for a second, before a sense of bittersweet loneliness seeped back in. “You gonna go back to bed?” he asked. 

Jimmy looked at the clock. He had to get up for work in four hours. “Yeah, probably should.” 

“Don’t want Kim getting cold,” said Jesse, the corner of his mouth turning up in a small smile. 

Jimmy felt a warmth in his chest at the thought of Jesse caring about Kim, and the warmth grew when he realized that Kim was pretty much Jesse’s girlfriend now too. He relished the thought that maybe soon he’d be able to invite Jesse back into bed with them. “You stay warm yourself, kid,” said Jimmy, squeezing Jesse’s hand.

Jesse squeezed back. “I will.”


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jesse makes dinner for his boyfriend and girlfriend.

“Where’ve you been?” Kim murmured groggily as Jimmy slipped back into bed. 

“Jesse,” he answered simply. 

Kim sidled up next to him, having missed his warmth. “Everything alright?”

“Yeah. I, uh, I told him. About our idea.” 

“Thought you were gonna wait for tomorrow."

Jimmy shrugged. “It’s past midnight.”

He wasn't wrong. “What did he say?” Kim asked. 

“He wants it," Jimmy took in a deep breath. "He also said he loves me…” 

That got Kim's eyes open. “That doesn’t sound like Jesse, letting his guard down like that.” 

“Well, to be fair, I had just given him a blow job…” Jimmy said, a blush rising on his cheeks. 

Kim rolled her eyes. Of all the details to leave out. “What did you say back?” 

“I said I loved him, too.” 

Kim nodded, sleep threatening to overtake her once again. She nestled herself into the crook of Jimmy’s neck. “That’s good,” she murmured. 

“I love you, Kim,” said Jimmy, stroking her hair. But she was already asleep. 

 

Jesse didn’t have the chance to talk to either Kim or Jimmy before they left for work in the morning. When he woke up, he was a ball of nervous energy. He couldn’t stop thinking about what might happen that evening. What if Kim came home and decided she’d changed her mind? What if Jimmy told him that it was all a mistake? Or maybe things would work out. Maybe they’d all lay in the bed together, like they’d done before. Or maybe more. Either way, things here would never be the same between the three of them. And the thought of that had Jesse terrified. 

What was it Skinny Pete had told him? _When you’re anxious, you gotta like clean some shit, bro. You’ve got all this nervous energy building up inside you because your body thinks you’re under attack or some shit. But if you do something with the energy, it’s not gonna be able to just build up and make you feel so bad, y'know?_ So Jesse pulled himself together, dragged himself into the kitchen, and got started on the dishes. Once the kitchen was spotless, he figured he might as well put it to good use. Cooking dinner couldn’t be any harder than cooking meth, could it? 

By the time six o’clock rolled around, Jesse had three plates set up on the coffee table in front of the TV. He supposed it would have looked nicer if he’d been able to set it up at an actual kitchen table, but he didn’t blame Jimmy for never bothering to buy one. He’d thought they were useless every other day of his life. 

Kim and Jimmy should be home any second now. The longer he sat by the door and waited, the more nervous he got. What if they didn’t like his cooking? What if they were mad at him about it for some reason? What if they thought it was weird that he’d gone through so much trouble? Jesse was beginning to consider throwing it all out when he heard a key turn in the lock. He watched with bated breath as Jimmy stepped inside. 

“Hey, kid. What’s all this?” Jimmy asked, turning to look at the coffee table. 

“I’m sorry,” said Jesse, staring at the ground. 

Jimmy came over and put his hands on either side of Jesse’s face. “What the hell do you have to be sorry for, Jesse?” he asked softly. “You made this for us?” 

“Yeah.” 

“It looks incredible.” 

“It’s not too much?” 

“No. Kim’s gonna love it,” he assured him. Jesse took in a deep shaky breath and sat down. Jimmy sat next to him. “Are you nervous about Kim?” Jimmy asked. 

“Well, yeah. I mean, I haven’t even heard it from her that she really wants to do this. And like, she doesn’t even know me, you know? What if she gets to know me more and decides she hates me?” 

“Jesse, I promise you that will not happen.”

“But, like, you don’t know that,” Jesse insisted. 

Jimmy didn’t have time to press the argument before the doorknob was turning again. Kim stepped in to find Jimmy and Jesse waiting for her on the couch, sat in front of a hot meal for three. “What are you two up to?” she asked, setting down her briefcase and pulling off her heels. 

Jimmy squeezed Jesse’s hand. “It’s all Jesse. I just got here.” 

Kim walked over to take a closer look at the spread. “It’s chicken parmesan,” said Jesse. “I found some chicken cutlets in the back of the freezer and figured they were still good. We didn’t have any real pasta though, so I just made the pasta from a mac ‘n’ cheese box and put spaghetti sauce on it. And, uh, we had some mozzarella I used, but I couldn’t find any real parmesan, so I just used some of the packets from the pizza place. Hope that’s okay.” 

“What’d you do with the mac ‘n’ cheese packet?” Jimmy asked. 

“It's just on the counter,” said Jesse.

“You are not eating a straight cheese packet,” Kim said off the mischievous look in Jimmy’s eyes. Then to Jesse, “This looks amazing. You didn’t have to do all this.” 

“I know, but I like, wanted to. You guys are always doing nice shit for me, so...” 

Jimmy picked up the fork that Jesse had laid out for him and took a bite of the chicken. “It’s really good, kid. Cooked all the way through and everything.” 

“Yeah, that’s more than Jimmy can say,” said Kim, taking her seat on the couch as well. 

“Hey, that was one time.” 

“It was practically sashimi.” Kim rolled her eyes and took a bite.

“What do you think?” Jesse asked once she’d had a few moments to chew. 

“It’s delicious, Jesse. Thank you.” 

Jesse tried, but failed, to keep his smile from creeping onto his face. 

 

“So, we should probably talk about our situation,” said Kim during a lull in the dinnertime conversation. “Jimmy tells me you’re interested in joining us?” she addressed Jesse. 

Jesse rubbed the back of his neck and refused to make eye contact. “I mean, yeah. If you guys are down for it.” 

“We are if you are, Jesse,” said Kim. 

Finally he looked up at her. “I am.” 

“Good.” 

 

Later that night, the three of them sat on the couch, all snuggled beneath the same oversized plush blanket, watching whatever shitty flick was on the old movies channel. Kim had her arm around Jimmy, and Jesse’s head rested against Jimmy’s shoulder. Jesse yawned, and Jimmy felt his head slip farther down. “You falling asleep there, kid?” he asked. 

“No,” Jesse lied. 

“I know what might wake you up,” Jimmy said, that gravely quality coming back into his voice. He then used his free hand to lift Jesse’s face up to his and pressed their lips together. 

Jesse’s heart raced. Sure, they’d kissed in front of Kim before, but never like this. Not with her this close. He could feel her eyes on him. Soon, Jimmy broke the kiss and smiled fondly down at Jesse. But before either could say anything, Kim had taken Jimmy’s face in her hand and turned him to face her. With a mischievous glint in her eyes, she leaned in for a kiss as well. Jimmy kept a tight hold on Jesse with one of his arms while he leaned in and stroked Kim’s face with the other hand. Jesse had to admit, he was getting pretty hard watching them. He wondered if they felt the same. Judging by the way Jimmy was shifting his hips, he did. 

When Kim and Jimmy pulled apart, they were both out of breath. Jimmy turned to look at Jesse. “You all good, kid?” 

“Yeah, more than good,” he said, shifting a little so Jimmy could feel his erection press against his thigh. 

“Does, uh, anyone care how this movie actually ends?” Jimmy asked. 

“I’ve already seen it twice,” said Kim. 

“I stopped paying attention half an hour ago,” Jesse admitted. 

“You guys wanna… go?” Jimmy asked, shifting his eyes toward the bedroom. 

“Do you want to, Jesse?” Kim asked him. 

Jesse’s blood froze in his veins, but not in a bad way. In a way like he was approaching the first drop of a giant, life-changing roller coaster. He swallowed hard. Looking into Kim’s eyes, all he could do was nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hooooly shit. I'm not gonna apologize for taking almost a year to update this fic because ain't no one got time to make themselves feel guilty for shit like that. But damn. It was a long time. I got a whole fucking BA in writing between now and the last chapter. Hope it was worth the wait. More chapters coming within the next millennia.


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